and now I walk into the wild

Hong Kong City Rockers

2010-12-07T19:46:00.002+08:00

Spent 5 days in Hong Kong. This trip was long awaited for two reasons:

1. I've been itching to take off by myself for a long time now, it's been a while and I was getting fidgety.

2. Hong Kong was the location of choice as Gorillaz were touring and this was their only stop in Asia. Gorillaz, besides being an awesome and insane band, are of utmost importance as their lineup includes Damon Albarn (Blur) and Mick Jones and Paul Simonon (The Clash).

Note: The Clash is my favourite band of all time.

The gig was awesome, it's always an amazing experience to watch a band made up of total rock stars, but they're still so humble, so psyched to be there, so immersed into not just their music, but their fans and the atmosphere they bring.

I could go on about the gig, but the highlight of my trip took place the night after. After trying, unsuccessfully, to locate and/or encounter Paul and Mick - my Clash boys - I'd resigned myself to the fact that they'd left Hong Kong, as that was what I'd heard from management.

Out for dinner and drinks with my new friend Josh, we considered some other joints before settling for a beer-shisha place along some random street in Lan Kwai Fong - that's the party district with countless bars, pubs and clubs.

At some point, I see this familiar hat and shirt on a man who swaggers right by me. No, that can't be, I said. Seconds later a long-coated friend joined him and it was unmistakable. Paul Simonon and Mick Jones were standing metres away from me.

You know when you have waited for something for so long, and it happens, and you realise you haven't planned for it at all? I run up to them, grab both their arms, and say, Paul. Mick. OhMyGod. I'm the biggest fan of The Clash in the whole wide world. I then proceed to burst into tears, right there in front of them.

It's important to note that this really is my favourite band - their entire journey of themselves and their music, their entire discography, the music that came before and after, everything about all of them, this all defines me. Imagine realising that you'll never get to see or meet your favourite band, and suddenly there they are, right there with you.

They were slightly abashed and awfully pleased as I told Paul how I had the same birthday as London Calling except that I wasn't born in 1979, and Paul said his birthday was a day after mine (but I'm guessing not in 1987), I paused only to say, ohmmygodimtalkingtopaulsimonon, and he smiled and said, you are! My trembling hands couldn't hold my camera and they had to join their friends so they told me to come find them later on, and I calmed myself and finished my beer keeping them in view at all times. With encouragement from Josh who threatened to drag me over, and who also snapped these life-changing pictures, I had my moment with The Clash.

I needed them to know, to understand, how much this meant to me, that I wasn't another crazed fan who was starstruck. Paul was on the phone and I told Mick, I need to tell you, that the music you made defines who I am, it's everything to me. He said, that's really wonderful to hear.

Got my picture with Paul, he asked for my name, and he was full of the same boyish charm I've always imagined a 20-year-old Paul to have. He even insisted on trying out different spots for better lighting because "we should get this right". I showed him one of the pictures for his approval and he said, well, YOU look cute! And I tried not to melt.

Both of them signed an autograph for me, Paul wrote that i was love, and asked where I was from, Mick said we could all take a shot together.

I had my pictures, I had them on ink, I had my moment(s) with them, I hugged them both (twice) and I told them exactly how life-changing the Clash had been, currently was, and would always be to me, especially after this.

I thought it was perfect. and complete. And then. Paul Simonon. THE bassist of THE only band that matters, of my favourite band in the WHOLE world, he pulls me aside and says, thank you for being here and all you've said, and do take care of yourself, okay? Okay, Paul, I said, trembling slightly. This is Paul Simonon, after all. And then, he looks me in the eye, says, you're really pretty, yknow? And he kisses me on the cheek, with his badass stubble and all.

Before I had time to register this, he takes my hand and says, I used this last night, I thought you might want this. And in my palm he places a guitar pick, all the little gold letters frictioned away from playing his epic basslines.

I'm not exaggerating. This has been the most euphoric, surreal, amazing moment of my life so far.

You Say Party, We Say Harder

2010-11-08T02:01:00.000+08:00

As mentioned, I've moved here. But finally, an travel/adventure post that gets to be featured here as well! =)

Travel

The weekend was spent in KL, Malaysia; our Social Media team (below) went up for the long weekend. Ironically it was this social media team who was deprived from our usual oxygenating outlets (e.g. Tweetdeck and FourSquare) while in KL.

Much fun had, much money spent, many classic lines of the weekend - mostly those 'you had to be there' things, but pointless caves and their awesomeness were involved. The 4 of us shared a nice room and besides the toilet seat being constantly in the wrong position, everything was sweet. Plus, I had 3 bodyguards. Things are so very different from travelling alone.

We also stayed in a fancy hotel, and it's been a long time since that happened. Seemed like a life I'd long left behind. Refreshing.

Another remarkable fact was, there weren't any episodes or issues faced. No missing passports, stolen wallets, hotel booking glitches, heated arguments between roommates. I don't think I've ever been on a holiday/trip where nothing unexpected/unfortunate happened.

Lots of partying, Bar Sonic at Zouk - the Malaysian version - and Neutral which was near our hotel.

I think I prefer KL Zouk to our Zouk, though ours has been named one of the top nightclubs in the wholeee world. KL scene, at least what I saw of it, is not at all (or barely) pretentious. They didn't have any of the reasons why I stopped going to Zouk (SG) in the first place.

I miss travelling so much it kinda hurts (really) and quick getaway for helped momentarily subside my wandering needs. As much fun as it is being with the group, I love my sneaky solo time, such as the book+wine+pasta afternoon (right) I enjoyed.

I would've spent a lot more time there soaking in the genius that is Jack Kerouac - and I can't believe he and I were unacquainted for this long - but upon realising I had forgotten to bring my notebook (the paper kind) I panicked and left, feeling a bit naked. Cannot help but need to scribble. Besides, there were boys who needed beer back at the hotel.

Shopping, parties, sleeping at 6am and waking up for a late lunch, afternoon movies on HBO and (relatively) cheap but slightly fancy restaurants/cafes - really, do we have to go to work tomorrow?

xoxo

I've moved

2010-10-25T01:41:00.001+08:00

move: to change the place or position of

This blog was originally set up as a travel blog to document and share my adventures.

In line with this, I'm keeping this blog for future adventures and have moved previous posts, and space for future ones, here for now.

See you at rettorical.blogspot.com.

xo

melancholic madness

2010-10-13T21:08:00.001+08:00

The colours were red and blue. They reminded her of you.

Your passion, your solitude, your outrageous melancholic madness.

Melancholic. A word so divine now marred by misuse into irreversible pretentiousness.

Just like you.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.3

cars speeding like snails

2010-09-26T09:36:00.007+08:00

Breaking News: I got published in my first serious magazine for grown ups. I wrote an article about Generation Y and how we see the world, what we want from it and how Generation X has affected, and continues to affect, the state the world is in.

I got a 2-page spread! My byline is really nice and prominent too. This is exciting.
You're gonna go far, kid.

Yesterday was the start of Banned Books Week.

I have selected my book. It's unspeakable. Well, it is here, and in India, and as SR's head is very much wanted in most Muslim countries...It's funny because I'm sure most of the haters never read the book. It's just like Dan Brown's DaVinci Code. The whole Catholic church was outraged by the blasphemy, and I know for a fact some of those who spoke out strongly against it never picked up the book.

In the spirit of Banned Books Week, I'm going to write an essay on the difference between Freedom of Speech and Freedom. There are lines - there always have to be - and this opinion was challenged by 2 Americans about a week ago.

I don't think it says much about people when they get great pleasure from feeling some sort of victory by trying to discredit the opinion of someone half their age, especially when said young person is arguing her point against 4 people. But sometimes - often - being the underdog is the best place to be.

It's amusing when people assume I am young therefore don't know anything. About politics, the world, history, music, books, everything. It's usually best to just let them be. You're the bigger person when you don't feel the need to announce your victories. That's victory, y'know? And rather gratifying as well.

On with reading a very challenging (and challenged) book. I have my book and notes ready. You and me, Mr. Rushdie, let's go.

MCM 21 = The Educated Glamorous

2010-09-06T00:52:00.005+08:00

Went for Ngee Ann Polytechnic's Mass Communication 21st Party. It was AWESOME.

So cool to catch up with people I haven't seen in years. The theme was Black & White and I wore a black dress and some insane earrings that were about as long as me. The were a huge hit, and many new friendships began with the line," hey, where are you earrings from?"

I love earrings.

We even met Wayne, who taught us Photojournalism. He used to call Fi, Charm and I the 3 Stooges. I'm not sure which one I was, though.

The whole event made me really glad to b a part of NP MCM. If I had a list of good decisions I've made in my life, going to MCM is definitely among the top of the list. My degree's got nothing on those precious 3 years.

Other news: it's been a month at work. I've even gotten paid.

Freelance news: I have so much money owed to me, it's almost not funny. Also, I should probably stop writing for free, but I only do it for album reviews. Because that's hardly work at all, it's just telling people what I think and getting published. It's all part of the long-term plan. Which includes certain music publications. It does not, however, include a house or a car.

Don't need those.

Fever when you turn out the lights

2010-08-28T11:03:00.004+08:00

I'm not sure why this suddenly came about, but yesterday I suddenly had a fever so high you could fry an egg on my forehead. Not good. Fortunately it's the weekend.

Week 3 at work has been interesting. I'm still very confused about many things, mainly about the way things work (and how some people manage to get jobs), but I'm speaking up about it more now.

Creatives get to be touchy about their work, especially when it's tampered with by suits (Account Servicing people). Rule No. 1 - Thou shalt not touch my copy. If there's anything to be changed, I'll change it, if the change is justified.

Yesterday I almost had a panic attack watching my copy being vetted by 2 suits. "No one changes anything!" I cried in distress.

I think (I hope) I'm imparting the practice of me going through the copy if there's even the slightest change. Bad things happen if you don't.

You could just break the paragraph up and a word or letter accidentally gets deleted or lost. It's happened before, will happen again.

I could rant more, but instead I'll bring these issues up more. And the client told 'em all that the copy was really good.

Treacherous but hopeful times ahead.

xo

a scheduled schedule

2010-08-18T23:04:00.002+08:00

Week 2 at the new job.
Sometimes it's good, sometimes I'm confused, sometimes I'm uncertain about the way things work.
I'm filling 2 roles, copywriter and Socia Media person (my colleague gets to be a Social Media Ninja so maybe I will be a Social Media Fairy Princess.) I'm a bit confused why I'm not considered a creative if I'm their copywriter, though? Ah well, stranger things have happened.

It's a bit crazy trying to manage my time between this job and freelance work. So far it's fine but once my youth begins to fail me and I can no longer be a super chipper on just 4 hours of sleep... oh how I dread that day!

What I like about this job is that it's fast, and sometimes exciting. Big fan of Social Media and seeing something you're working on instantly available - as opposed to a few days later in the papers or on TV - is refreshing. We'll see, we'll see.

TIME TO WRITE ARTICLES.

work work work

2010-08-13T00:34:00.002+08:00

So I've started my new job. Which is why I haven't had time to update the blog.

The people I work with are fun, work's fine, I'm getting used to sleeping before 3am and waking up before the sun is high in the sky. This is strange. Today, I even woke up early enough to have breakfast. I haven't had breakfast in years!(I exaggerate. Months, not years.)

Today I learnt, the hard way, the dangers of social media. Lesson 1 - do not post bad things about anything or anyone affiliated to your client when you are handling/managing the platform you have just complained about them on.

I didn't mean to, really. I didn't even realise. Twitter = bad.

Although I also realise, maybe it isn't me, I was just saying what I honestly felt.
So I've come to this conclusion:

What I (try to) live by is "Rather than money, than love, than fame, give me truth."
What I often feel like, courtesy of MGMT, is: "Fated to pretend."

Today, I had to censor myself.

Give me truth: 0
Fated to pretend: 1

Brighter days ahead, I tell myself.
Brighter days ahead.

Met the wifey after work and we both complained about our jobs/life.
I love my wife.

Explore/ Dream/Discover

2010-08-05T01:37:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is Singfest and I will witness the wonders of Ian Brown, Smashing Pumpkins, The Vines and some other bands I don't care too much about. I'm SO glad I managed to get 4 people together to buy the group package. It caused much stress but saving $50 unnecessary dollars was worth it, for all of us. 2 are strangers but they've paid me a deposit.

Also, breaking news: I'm starting a new job. Yes, I will soon have a real job! I will work with people other than the ones who reside in my head and I will have actual people to share ideas with and I will have a stable income and I will have to wake up in the morning and I can't read a book the whole day if i feel like it. Pros and cons, eh?

Nah, I'm excited.
Long weekend ahead, goodnight =)

xoxo
soon-to-be fully employed
Rett

exciting times ahead

2010-08-01T23:15:00.004+08:00

Today was interesting, went for the 2nd Chance for Vui Kong event at Speakers' Corner, almost 200 people turned up. Would've been more if not for the rain. Alan Shadrake, author of Once a Jolly Hangman, was there. Had a chat with him too, he was brave and quite lovely.

M Ravi (Yong's lawyer) told us about how the poor boy spent 20 minutes examining every one of our faces when he was shown the picture we took at the 1st rally (see below). The prison wouldn't let him keep it, but he couldn't stop looking at it. Every one of us matters, and that is a humbling and inspiring fact.

Tomorrow I get a job counter-counter-offer and have a meeting with an editor who has an interest in my freelancing ways. Both are mucho exciting adventures.

Get angry. Shed tears. Create discomfort. Embrace disorder. Hold hands. Be independent. Keep fighting. Seek peace. Do something. Make change.

Decisions, decisions

2010-07-29T11:36:00.003+08:00

So I have a meeting on Friday to discuss a full time job that I am keen to at least try for 3 months. More details on job scope and their offer makes the final call.

In the meantime I've got another meeting next week with a magazine I want to write for. Sent them my CV and some articles and they replied within a day saying "We’re always on the lookout for new, talented writers to cover various sections of the magazine. Based on what I’ve seen, it seems like you could be a good fit."

And then there's another coffee table book project, they got my details through a friend.

This is all quite exciting but I'm unsure how I'll manage it all. There's still SgKopitiam to write for (3 articles due now, more soon) and some reviews for Junk (I think). And still there's more.

The best part is, I'm FINALLY getting paid today. I've waited for months! Woke up this morning to a text asking if I could come down to the office to pick up my long-awaited cheque. It's finally ready.

The only downside is that all this delays my travel plans a little. That, however, is probably for the best. I think I should stay put for a bit while things are sorted out. I'll still be in India soon.

2 more days of free things at Stereolounge, and after that I'll have money so it won't matter! Hooray.

xoxo

p.s. my cousin's cat dug her claw into me and now I have a hole in my leg!

responsibility - whatever that means

2010-07-26T13:46:00.003+08:00

Responsibility: noun ( DUTY ) /rɪˌspɒnt .sɪˈbɪl.ɪ.ti//-ˌspɑːnt .səˈbɪl.ə.t ̬i
something that it is your job or duty to deal with

The word itself sends shivers down my spine. I remember when I was in Primary 4 and my teacher wrote in my report card that I was responsible. I thought she was quite mad. I am not, nor have I ever been, responsible.

A while later I realised I had misread 'responsible', she had actually written that I was 'responsive'. That made a lot more sense. I was relieved.

I've gotten a job offer and am going to hear their $ offer soon.

Decisions, decisions.

generally functional

2010-07-22T22:17:00.004+08:00

Generally functional, but not entirely.
Depends what time of the day it is.

heart heart heart

2010-07-20T15:35:00.004+08:00

The 50s party was a resounding success. All the surprises were successful and a good time was had by all. I also made an awesome playlist that has been requested on cd several times. MY research into the 50s paid off well!

Last night was a good night, Josh and I went to Stereolounge where we are trying to make the most of free beer for July. The bartender was nice for once, I'm not sure if it's because I was with a white boy because when he was mean to me, I had been alone.

Much of the night was spent talking about important things. The effect of the internet on our/the new generation, the dangers of older men with computers to young girls with computers, the difference between accents and punctuation, books and eyebrows. A very good night indeed.

Since I'm happy because of this, and because I'm watching Inception with Noelle & Craig in a couple of hours, we get a nice heart today.

I Write Like

2010-07-16T13:41:00.002+08:00

Following Neil Gaiman, I got some of my writing analysed and have discovered what I was secretly hoping for was true:

I write like
Stephen King

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

I write like
J. D. Salinger

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

what becomes of the anything-hearted?

2010-07-16T02:02:00.002+08:00

Love flew away; it was meant for greater things than her.

damn the man.

2010-07-14T16:50:00.005+08:00

Had two interviews today.
One was rubbish - they seriously expect a freelancer who will be at their beck and call 24/7. When they asked how promptly I can deliver artwork I knew it was over before it began. They don't know the difference between copy and art. I wish them the best of luck.

Next one was good, big clients and high expectations. I've got a good feeling about this. Things that just fall into your lap sometimes (always?)happen for a reason. Most importantly, they're cool with me freelancing so no soul-selling is required.

A friend of mine is facing the very same problem I had in uni a while back, where I was given a bad grade because of a mean lecturer. Dug out the old emails; it's a pleasure to read every time. How I told the man (and the dean) to go shove it and give me the grade I deserve! (in the most eloquent way I could.) This same problem has come up twice, 2 different friends, and I'm considering writing a handbook on how to deal with the bastard. NO person who is supposed to be a mentor to others should say that it's not worth his time to provide feedback, review an assessment or just have a conversation that needed to be had.

I hope I will not be the last to take him down, he really doesn't deserve his job.

DAMN THE MAN.
(and I need this shirt!)

Stupid Soccer Babes, and the men who come with

2010-07-13T00:01:00.005+08:00

The 2010 FIFA World Cup is finally over.
My laptop is totally screwed up.
I got 2 job offers today.
And I can't sleep because my clock's all footballed out.

Exciting, yes?

Today I was watching reruns (okay fine, like the whole Netherlands Vs. Spain match) and they had a Justin & Vernon (DJs) show at Resorts World. I think it might have been filmed the night I was there. And they had 2 "soccer babes" with them, who obviously didn't know the first thing about football. And one of them, whatever his name is, said that they wouldn't ask the girls for the comments on the World Cup because they're girls and don't know anything about tactics, predictions or anything.

I thought this was going to a "well, that's what we thought too, but we were wrong!" thing, but no. They then proceeded to ask who the most handsome footballer was. Bloody hell. I was SO ANNOYED.

Those girls obviously knew nothing about football and were being made fools of by these guys. As much as girls like that annoy me (I don't mean girls who don't watch/understand football, I mean being stupid and thinking it's cute, ) I felt offended on their behalf - being made a complete fool of on TV. And for all the girls who DO understand football, I was equally insulted.

To make matters even worse, the stupid girl said Torres was the most handsome. Seriously? That's just as bad as the other "soccer babes" in the New Paper who chose Drogba and Ozil as ugliest. and DARED to choose Messi as hottest. Not just stupid but blind. Drogba is HOT and Ozil, he isn't the best-looking man in the world but he certainly isn't ugly. My list is SO much better. Only problem was we didn't have permission to use pictures so had to use facebook images, which aren't their best.

To all the men who make women look stupid for the amusement of others, and to all women who allow men to do that to them because they think they come across as cute, you make the world a worse place than it is. It is because of people like you that I sometimes wish I never have daughters.
--

Apparently, best looking. Not Casillas, not Ronaldo, but Messi.

Poor Ozil :( Don't you listen to what those stupid cows say, I think you're absolutely fine.

Oh, of course this man is ugly. WTF! HOTNESS, HELLoOo.

first of the gang

2010-07-06T16:24:00.002+08:00

I've been having the ultimate Morrissey/The Smiths day. He does add to depression and a general state of melancholy, but in the most beautiful way.

Yesterday was a much better day than today. Spent hours exploring BooksActually, and bought an old skool vintage notebook, an old bus ticket, 3 pencils and 2 notebooks with quotes on them. I was also given a free postcard and a typewritten poem. This should keep me happy for weeks!

Coffee with the wifey and we stayed at Starbucks till almost midnight, long after they'd closed. <3

In the meantime here's some Mozzer/Marr:

Magistrates who spend their lives hiding their mistakes
They look at you and I and envy makes them cry

And if you must go to work tomorrow
Well if I were you I wouldn't bother
For there are brighter sides to life
And I should know because I've seen them
But not very often.

When you say it's gonna happen "now"
Well, when exactly do you mean ?
See I've already waited too long
And all my hope is gone.

let it bleed

2010-07-04T14:11:00.000+08:00

I offer you my heart to break,
so break it well and make it bleed.
For all you gain it what you've lost:
A little girl with brazen knees.
And I will have these streams of life,
This bloody ink I need to write.
So break it well and please be mean,
I beg of you, just make me bleed.

put the blade back in the box, you nut.

2010-07-02T17:48:00.003+08:00

And she held it to her skin, contemplating, wanting, needing... something.
She thought for too long and the moment was lost; a moment of hesitation was all it took. This realisation she stored away for future salvation. But now, just for now, there was no need for it anymore. She was calm - maybe even happy.

Besides, it was time to get ready. She'd meet her friends smelling of sunshine and rainbows, and the cold taste of metal would be known only to her.

And she wished in her heart, that bloody mess of a heart, that she wasn't so damn good at pretending.

don't stop stop don't stop

2010-07-02T10:10:00.000+08:00

My eye can't see, my heart is broken, my mind's gone wild, spirit's been forgotten.

This doubtful guest

2010-06-27T23:25:00.003+08:00

I love my friends and all, but I feel so distant sometimes.

I don't understand manicures. I don't understand shoes. I don't understand branded goods. I don't understand wallets that cost more than what they contain.

It happens quite often that a certain brand/celebrity/type of shoe/whatever is mentioned in casual conversation and I haven't a clue what/who it is.

Sometimes I'm glad because perhaps this allows for greater capacity for the things that matter to me.

More often, though, this is extremely isolating.

There's one of two things that can happen:
I continue this way, living in this world as a doubtful guest.
or
I get with the programme, understand why these things matter, forget the things I once cared about.

At the end of it all, I've always known: fated.to.pretend.

FULL TIME OR FREELANCERS WHO WRITE, I DEMAND EQUAL RIGHTS

2010-06-25T14:44:00.001+08:00

My cheque for May was supposed to be in 3 weeks ago. Then it was delayed as the person who needs to sign it was on leave. But I still don't have it now. So I inquired.

Maybe end of next week, or the following week, I was casually informed.

THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN THREE WEEKS AGO.

I'm really upset. Where is the justice for freelancers? I told them that I look forward to getting paid and in the meantime, if I'm needed, they might find me at Geylang where I'll be prostituting myself.

I was so upset that a fb friend of mine updated her status and I couldn't resist taking the piss out of it. Come on, she was totally asking for it.

hey you with the tan

2010-06-22T14:13:00.000+08:00

When it starts to rain they run for shelter. Everyone's so afraid of your storm because they try so hard to ignore their own. I think the world would be a better place if we all acknowledged our storms and made a plan to weather them, instead of forgetting our own rain and overlooking the bad weather of our friends because we're so blinded by the manufactured sunshine that we insist exists.

Football Feverrr

2010-06-19T14:01:00.001+08:00

Completely wiped out mentally and am not going to do ANY work today. I shall have a weekend for the first time in a while!

Have been partying up at BeerFest, met lots of really cool people. Josh from New York Times (read: opportunity) and Regina who rocked out with me for Killer Queen, and a whole bunch of Mervyn's friends - we all had quite a wild time.

On the football front, Germany and England completely ruined me last night. Especially England. Fact: I can never spell especially right on the first try. Except for that most recent one, but that's because I was thinking about it. My mind knows how to spell it, my fingers don't.

It was fun to watch Germany at BeerFest, though, lots of German fans who sang lots of German songs. Deustschland, Deutschland!

Tonight Japan takes on Holland, I'm rooting for some Asian pride.

Flashback to 1998, remember Gabriel Batistuta? How can anyone not. Was reading up about him, he's a lovely family man who sings songs in Spanish to his wife when he scores. 4 sons. I'd like to meet him. Top striker in skill and sexiness.

HOW HOT IS THIS?

accidental new template

2010-06-15T11:34:00.000+08:00

So I have a new template. New thing by Blogger and I thought I was trying it out, but as it turns out, I've permanently applied it here. So it shall remain for now.

World Cup's on and proper sleep is not much on the agenda. First feature for SgKopitiam up here!

These uncertain times are exciting. Never knowing what's coming next, or if anything IS coming next, well that's the way life should be, y'know?

xoxo

And all our bad days will end

2010-06-09T23:30:00.002+08:00

I've finally gotten paid. More than I expected!
More work than I can handle too. So I'm set for awhile.
I'm even finally going to cut my hair and buy some tickets.

I did have lots of lovely things to say about how everything is butterflies and roses and sunshine and ponies now.

Unfortunately, my mood has been killed by an article I wrote that was just torn apart. I'd much rather be unpublished than badly edited. I feel like dying knowing that there's a piece of my work published with my name on it, full of grammatical mistakes, factual errors and cliched lines.

I really do. And until tomorrow, there's not a damn thing I can do about it.

things to look forward to

2010-06-05T20:30:00.000+08:00

I'm looking forward to the week ahead, intimidating as it is.

1) Finally getting paid. Not all of it, but it's a relief. A HUGE relief.
2) Start work on World Cup coverage!
3) Countdown to WC and Beerfest!
4) Catching up with wifey & a few friends who I've missed due to lack of money/time
5) Great Singapore Sale video shooting
6) Free, new cocktails at Zouk all in the name of journalism

Lots of work to be done over the rest of the month, but y'know how I love a challenge.

And did I mention I'm looking forward to beerfest?

the market is done

2010-05-27T18:35:00.000+08:00

So I've submitted my first article for SGKopitiam.
My wet market adventures are over.

It was quite exhausting but I do miss this - sneaking about at ungodly hours to get a story, interviewing unsuspecting people, taking my own pictures - I miss it all.

Some pictures not being used for the article:

Get your herbs here

Old lady selling veggies

Fishies =/

A man peeling onions

longest day yet

2010-05-26T23:02:00.000+08:00

So my day began at about 5am, headed to the markets after 6, investigated Chinatown Market, then Wholesale shipping place and then Marine Terrace, where I was allegedly pushed around in a pram more than 20 years ago.

I like old people fussing over me telling me I'm pretty and I look 16.

Headed home, slept for a bit before getting down to work. Back to Starbucks, got hardly any work done due to heavy eyelids and lots of friends who had escaped from their jobs to interfere with mine (I jest; I love randomly meeting my friends there. Anywhere, really.), got annoyed with the same noisy boys that were there yesterday (they seem to be playing a game called Who can use the most swear words in a sentence) before heading home, more work, then to La Salle to catch Maira's exhibition, which I'm glad to have been a part of, both pre- and post-production. =)

And now, back to finishing the Wet Market article which is due tomorrow.

The longest day yet is not yet over!
I'm going on (a bit too much) espresso.

And still he wondered why

2010-05-24T22:05:00.001+08:00

Her heart was worn. And it was worn on her sleeve.
The rain continued to splatter on the sidewalk.
He heard a new noise.
It interrupted his comfort.
His eyes suddenly aware; his soul.

Her heart was shattered; its location was conducive for shattering.
That was why it was always broken.
That was why it was always bruised.
She couldn't bear to keep it there.
But it would not fit anywhere else.

I think we can make a new tomorrow, today.

2010-05-24T13:20:00.003+08:00

I think I can change things. It doesn't really have to be like this.
I've got amazing family, and my friends are something else too.
Maybe we can stop the madness.

xoxo
Rett

Heaven can't be on earth without you

2010-05-20T01:56:00.003+08:00

18 May 1980 - Ian Curtis watched Stroszek. Then he put Iggy Pop's The Idiot on his turntable. He then went to the kitchen and hung himself.

19 May 1951 - Jeffry Hyman was born. Queens was never the same again, and neither was the world; Punk was born.

When Ian got to heaven they all danced danced danced danced danced to the radio.
And when Joey entered the gates, everyone cried, "Gabba! Gabba! We accept you, we accept you, one of us!"

And when I get there, Joey will welcome me with those same words. Then we'll dance with Ian to the radio. A divine radio, without the ads, only good music.

The world's a bit less wonderful without you.

Guess I'll have to break the news,
that I've got no mind to lose.
All the boys are in love with me,
I'm a teenage lobotomy.

somewhere they can't find us

2010-05-14T13:03:00.001+08:00

Why, she wondered, can't we quit the production and
go back to what's real?
--

Meet me at the intermission
and take my hand,
I'll lead you to where the flowers are real
and the sky can't be reached.

I don't know where the rain comes from,
but let it rain on me.
I don't know how the bees got here,
but let them buzz around you.

And I'll lay with you in the sun-scorched grass
and forever try not to remember.
If you promise we might never be on stage,
as I promise we never return.

You and me, backstage, tonight.

All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players:
They have their exits and their entrances;
And one man in his time plays many parts.

would you like to buy a vowel?

2010-05-12T10:55:00.000+08:00

Well, at least my editors take me seriously. So do I.
Sometimes, even that's a bit of a stretch - taking myself seriously, I mean.
I wonder what they think of me - that I just sit around wasting away all day, every day?

That's the only reason I can see for being tasked with various daytime activities.

I'm getting published. My name is getting around. I'm going places. Opportunities are coming in.

This is what I tell myself; this is what keeps me going.

This is what snaps me back to my senses whenever I start to feel:

with what's left

2010-05-10T21:15:00.000+08:00

I got my first byline in a print,music publication! My review of Rock & Roots Festival came out in the May issue of Junk. Two more will be featured in the June issue, can't wait!

And I got news of more work coming in. I wish some of the money I'm owed would come in too. Boo.

One thing that has been annoying me is people arguing for the sake of arguing. Okay, I know it's cool to diss Shakespeare, and The Beatles, and everything in the whole world, but why don't we save our voices for issues that really matter? The Death Penalty, for example. Shanmugam has no idea what he's talking about.

Back to work. I like working on the Mac (laptop's in hospital till tomorrow) but it isn't mineeeee. I guess the best way to live is to not own anything and therefore never really lose anything. But there should always be a choice.

xoxo

There's so little that is really mine - space, talent, person, object. It's like everything I own is free-for-all. This is increasingly true every day.

A&E: my heart is in my hard drive

2010-05-10T00:21:00.005+08:00

My laptop is in terrible condition. It breaks my heart to see her this way. I've tried everything - tomorrow I'm bringing her in to be completely wiped out. I've managed, with much difficulty that requires the patience I lack, to back everything up amidst constant pop-ups from Viagra sites and CLICK HERE FOR FREE #%&*@$#!$#@ and having to restart all the time. Saved bookmarks and made a list of programmes to re-download and everything.

I can't run iTunes, TweetDeck, Last.fm, upload pictures on fb, run any applications or install any software. Because all these things require applications (or whatever) that are ALL infected and cannot be used right now. This really sucks. Critical & Very High infections - we're at 34 and counting. Really.

I can't get any work done like this - imagine carefully reading a most important paragraph and getting distracted by ED is common and normal repeatedly. I just can't do it. It's impossible. So tomorrow all will be fixed, despite the system-wiping pain I will undoubtedly feel.

Wedding was yesterday, but more of that tomorrow.

Busy busy week ahead, all the lines, they are dead.

xoxo

My laptop:

Me (when trying to fix computer - note grey cloud overhead):

me (upon realising I can't - note over-lined smudgy eyes):

find your pain, feel it again

2010-05-04T07:37:00.000+08:00

Okay, today will be a better day.

I mean, TFF is tonight, how could it not be awesome?
I was reading up about Arthur Janov, a psychologist whose book is behind the name Tears for Fears (Johnny Lennon is also a fan).

In The Primal Scream: Primal Therapy, he says that the suppressed pain we deal with comes about because of trauma, often in childhood. There is a way to resolve this pain and trauma - to be aware of that past experience and relive it, painful as it might be. Thus he is suggesting tears as a replacement for fears.

And there we go, Tears for Fears =) <3

They gave you life
And in return you gave them hell.
As cold as ice
I hope we live to tell the tale.

And when you've taken down your guard
If I could change your mind,
I'd really love to break your heart.

Shout, shout, let it all out,
These are the things I can do without.
Come on, I'm talking to you, come on.

I wanna be everywhere in every way

2010-05-03T10:12:00.002+08:00

I like meeting deadlines, but when they have been met and the list fails to grow, that is a bit frightening. Hasn't happened so far but we're getting close. It's scary because there's a lot that I want to do that I haven't begun. A bit of free times means I can.

My cousin is getting married this weekend, I don't know what I'm going to wear! I need shoes. And a dress. I like weddings.

A bite of Peaches

2010-04-29T17:25:00.001+08:00

Last night was PEACHES! I thought I was going to be alone but Thomas, and later Casandra and Fir, found me. Peaches came on at about 10pm - the crowd had picked up by then, I was getting worried!

I have to say, this was by far the most involved I've ever been at a gig. She walked on us. Literally, we held our hands up and she walked all over us in those boots that were made for walking. That's just what she did. Crowd surfed a few times too. And I was right in front, in the thick of the action.

She also popped a bottle of champagne, I was one of the lucky ones who got some poured right into my mouth, BY PEACHES, and all over me. Peaches also pretended to fall, and while hot Sound Guy was attending to her, she sneakily poured a vial of something into her mouth - she then proceeded to spew fake blood onto the audience. I was covered in blood from Peaches' mouth. Covered in champagne and blood, it was the best moment of my life.

It was funny because after it was over and I was in the toilet, girls who were there to club and not for Peaches thought I really was bleeding. I was fussed over by many young girls.

Several wardrobe changes, all better than the previous. Oh, best part, there was a massive fight between two guys and she stop singing halfway, saying, "I can't sing when this is going on, what's happening?" Security dragged their asses out within 10 seconds and she continued her song. <3 <3 <3

Songs were brilliant, she's just so THERE. F the pain away was epic, so was Boys Wanna Be Her, which makes me think of Shane McCutcheon from The L Word.

After the show, made some random friends in the club (my first time in Zirca, last I was there it was Ministry of Sound) before heading to Home for the afterpartayyy. I was terribly sad thinking she wasn't turning up, but she finally appears at 1am, recognising me as the girl into whose mouth champagne was delivered.

Waited for the crowd to clear while I and some other new friends danced the night away. Secured my free entry every Friday at Home, finally, took pictures with Peaches (and she took some of me!) danced with her and forgot Interpol guy's name.

Party ends at 3am. The kind of night you never forget.

Rocking out on guitar

Shedding light on things too often kept in the dark

Me & Peaches

GMH>FML

2010-04-27T15:31:00.001+08:00

Just submitted a proposal for an article - it's for a magazine I haven't written for before and it's quite a big deal. Fingers crossed that they love my proposal as much as I do. I really do.

I've recently discovered GivesMeHope, the response to FML. Its slogan is even: GMH. Like FML. But for optimists.

It's such a beautiful site, the response it's getting is amazing. It's easy to see how your whole perspective can be changed by reading this site after just a few posts. Some of my favourites (the last two are too sweet!):

When I was 16, I tried to commit suicide, by jumping off a bridge into the river.
Tomorrow, I'll say "I do." to the man who risked his own life pulling me out.
Having another shot at life, and love GMH.

--

To the girl at the gym who said she wouldn't get a prom date because she was too "fat": My friends and I were lifting weights nearby to try to impress you. Don't ever think that all guys see is your weight. We thought you were gorgeous.
The fact that you will realize that one day GMH.

--

Last night, over the phone, my friend told me he was considering suicide. I didn't know what else to do, so I sent him the link to GMH. He texted me this morning saying that he stayed up all night reading every post, and that he could never leave a world that contained such beauty. GMH GMH.

--

When my sister was younger she came home from school one day and demanded I take her to the library so she could get books on sign language.
I asked why? She told me there was a new kid at school who was deaf and she wanted to befriend him.
Today I stood beside her at their wedding watching her sign "I DO". GMH

--

My dad would always start out conversations with''Do you have a girlfriend yet?''
After laughing and saying no hundreds of times I finally found the courage to tell him I was gay. After a long silence and a stressed out face or two, he calmly said, "Oh. Well.... Do you have a boyfriend yet?"
His fair love GMH.

--

A long time ago, I was on the verge of committing suicide when a guy came to the roof to have lunch. He saw me climbing over the railing and asked me to share his lunch with him. After receiving my puzzled look, he explained, "everyone should die happy. or at least with a full stomach." We celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary last month. GMH.

--

I'm 16 and am about to have a baby. I work a minimum wage job with about 15 other people who are just barely making it. My boss told me that me being pregnant was making him look bad and that I need to quit. I did. So did everyone else working there. GMH.

--

22 years ago, a 16 year old girl was pregnant with a baby of rape.
Understanding the circumstances, her parents told her to abort or be disowned.
Her best friend - her 18 year old neighbor - although he was not the father, stepped into the father figures shoes. They got married 2 years later.
Mom and dad, your love for me and each other GMH.

--

Last year, I was going to kill myself. I wrote a note and slipped it into my best friend's locker at school. That night, I was preparing to die, when she crawled through my window and kissed me. My first real kiss.

Kristain, I know you read GivesMeHope all the time. Will you marry me?

&

I posted a GMH story a couple weeks ago. In it, I proposed to my long time friend who helped me curve my desire to commit suicide.
She said yes.
We are getting married this summer.
Life is too precious to give up. Thanks, Kristain. Thank you for giving me life. GMH.

Awwwww all these stories GMH. =) =) =)

Shakespeare's not overrated, saying something is overrated is overrated.

2010-04-25T14:10:00.000+08:00

A friend of mine recently stated, on facebook, that Shakespeare is overrated.

Responses and discussions followed: how only in Singapore does this happen, other countries have vibrant conversations/dialogues about other writers, plays staged, etc. And also how Shakespeare is promoted here, in schools and on stage, because he's not as opinionated/critical/political as other writers. And how other writers, or more of their work, should be taught in schools, not just Shakespeare. I had an issue with every one of these points.

There was also the point that all writers are equally important, which I knew I would not be able to objectively comment on, so ignoring that bit of absurdity, I settled for saying this:

There are countless reasons why Shakespeare is not overrated, or irrelevant/overdone, that would require a whole essay and more. Ever so often I look through some of my favourite Shakespeare prose/verse/sonnets and am reminded how remarkable he was (is). He brought writing to different levels both creatively and technically, and dealt mainly with themes that are timeless.

When I was in school, Oscar Wilde's The Importance of Being Ernest was staged – this was a start to what has remained an insatiable love affair between Mr Wilde and myself. In the past week alone, I've had conversations with various friends, all who went to different schools, about Wilde, Thoreau, Dickens, Tolstoy, Salinger, Orwell, Huxley, Dostoevsky and Poe. Just random conversations that came up over coffee. And they were quite vibrant.

Look at it this way: 2 of my favourite bands are The Beatles and The Clash. The Clash's music was political and critical. The Beatles, some say, are overrated, very similar to the 'Shakespeare is overrated' argument. Would there be The Clash, and all their open political (and sometimes anti-government) messages, without The Beatles? We'll never know, but perhaps not as they were a big influence.

Secondary school introduced us to Shakespeare and other literature while tertiary, under/post-graduate education present opportunities to go much deeper into literature if you are so inclined. But if you ARE inclined that way, nothing they teach/don't teach in any school will determine how much you go on to discover - the library is then your best educator.

Her continuing ascent into madness.

2010-04-24T22:36:00.000+08:00

She was bleeding but she didn't know why - everything was broken but she couldn't remember how that happened either. She wished she knew who was in control of what was happening, but she didn't. All she knew was that it certainly wasn't her.

--

And you can tell
By the red in my eyes
And the bruises on my thighs
And the knots in my hair
And the bathtub full of flies
That I'm not right now at all
There i go again
Pretending that I'll fall

Don't call the doctors,
they've seen it all before,
they'll say just let her
crash and burn,
she'll learn.
The attention just
encourages her.

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.

2010-04-21T14:24:00.001+08:00

So after meeting my self-imposed deadline for The Fray article for Junk magazine yesterday and getting a head start on today's work, I was as pleased as pure petroleum and all set to finish writing about the 60s in Singapore today.

But I'd forgotten, my mind enjoys focusing on other things, and people, at the most unfortunate times. I also discovered the magazine (THAT magazine) is going to be on hold for 6-9 months. Seriously. I could get pregnant, have a child, get her baptised and teach her the alphabet before the magazine's return. And yes of course she'll be a girl, boys have just been put on this earth to distract girls from meeting deadlines.

The rain continued to splatter on the sidewalk; a new sound made him finally take notice. Her heart, as usual, was worn on her sleeve. For this reason he could hear it shatter. And for this reason, it would remain broken.

And as the rain fell, so did she.

2010-04-19T21:19:00.004+08:00

She was walking home only because the rain had let up slightly.
Halfway through and with nowhere to hide, it began to pour; one step short of running, she felt as grey as the damned weather.

The rejected rain, in conspiracy with gravity, pushed a lock of hair into her face. Forgoing the satisfaction of annoyance, she instinctively caught it in her mouth, like she always would as a child, and fed herself with raindrops delivered straight to her lips.

Such a familiar taste, such a familiar everything, although it really had been years!

Overwhelmed with nostalgia, reminded of a time she'd all but forgotten, and at last transported to this faraway place, she stopped her resentful journey. Instead, she made a wish.

She wished on every drop of rain that she'd never again forget to fall in love with a storm.

And then she walked home as slowly as she could, pretending that home was a million miles away.

It's Been 22 Years And I'm Still In Love With Alice

2010-04-15T10:24:00.003+08:00

Yesterday, while moping about being depressed about the magazine, I decided that this day would be the day I'd finally watch a movie alone in a cinema. Been meaning to catch Alice in Wonderland and it was my last chance, there are no more screenings today.

So I did. With almost the whole cinema to myself at 2.15pm, I entered wonderland in 3D. It really was exciting - the movie in general was a bit disappointing though, from what I've come to expect from Tim Burton. Too much violence and not enough wonder. Johnny Depp was brilliant as usual, though, as was Anne Hathaway. She was so strange and I loved it.

After the movie I went to starbucks before I was meant to head to Marina Oriental hotel across the road for drinks with my cousins. But I began to read Huxley's Island and after the first line, there was no leaving anytime soon.

First line of the book: "Attention," a voice began to call, and it was though an oboe had suddenly become articulate.

An articulate oboe! Oh, Mr. Huxley, I've missed you so.

Eventually emerged from wonderland and went to meet the cousins in this superglam place, Morton's Martini Bar. My Godpa (he's the oldest cousin and I'm the youngest) paid for the whole bill and upon sneaking a peek at it I burst into tears and tried to contribute to some of it. I knew it would be a lot, but I wasn't expecting a 4-figure bill for a few hours of drinks. I couldn't comprehend spending in half a night more than what I earn in a full month.

He said that one day when I'm successful I can do the same for his kids. I said that success doesn't mean I'll have money, and what if I'm always poor? He said as long as if I could, I would, that counts too. Perhaps I should plan to have some of my posthumous wealth set aside for them.

I guess while it would be lovely to splurge on your loved ones eventually, small things are sometimes the biggest. I still remember the feeling I had when I bought mum and dad a nice dinner a month after I was first properly employed. I'm pretty sure I always will.

Money is a scary, scary thing.
I cannot imagine earning so much money. And I wouldn't actually want to.
I'll choose having just enough money to spend on a new record/concert ticket/haircut and that becoming the biggest joy in my whole life because I didn't think I could afford it over having so much money that everything eventually becomes worthless. I'd be afraid of too much money and the power that comes with it.

What's that coming over the hill, is it a monster,
Is it a monster?

Oh, wow.

2010-04-13T11:51:00.004+08:00

So I just went for a media preview of Singapore Arts Fest dance films. Setting up interviews and discussing feature articles/profiles and all that.

Last night I went for the review at Timbre and I was literally writing the review in my mind as the new menu/cocktails were being sampled. And then rushed over to SMU and got connected, typed it out and sent it over, received pictures I've been waiting for and sent that over too. All done. I was pleased as a pink parasol. I really didn't know how I was going to meet all my deadlines, but I did.

And today after the preview + meeting, I came to starbucks and settled down with my triple grande soy caramel macchiato, and I checked my mail. I needed to confirm the name of a dish we tried at this restaurant and that was the last thing I had to do for our May issue.

And then I get an email from my editor. The May issue is being postponed. No explanation yet. I've been working so hard on all the reviews to get them done on time. Getting images. Dealing with difficult clients and colleagues. Running all over the damn place from one review to another.

And the events. Oh, the events! I was so proud of my event listings. I got all the details and official images in record time as well. And I had so many sneaky puns waiting to be discovered, like how Deep Purple fireball their way through every show - their '71 album is Fireball.

And now all my work will never be seen. Well, the reviews will eventually. But all the events, and the rushing, and the attending and writing and liaising and trouble, all that has been for nothing.

FML + WTF + NFW

An excerpt of my pretty event listing:

Now I'm going to deliberate between finding the highest building and jumping in front of a speeding car. Both sound appealing compared to what I'm feeling now. It's hard to explain why this is as devastating as it is, and I'm not really in the mood to, but honestly, it is.

All done, you mad world.

2010-04-11T22:05:00.006+08:00

Today was a productive day.
After about a week of visiting places, meeting people, sampling food, cocktails, wine and more food, and watching food being sampled, listening to descriptions of food being sampled, it has almost come to an end, for now.
All my reviews were completed and submitted today, except for one more which I have to go to tomorrow.
Yes, today was a very productive day.

Finished work, went to meet Jun at the Tavern and it was great. I wish her working hours weren't the way they are so we could do this more often. The Tavern is really a good place to hang out.
AND I just discovered their inaugural British Night is this Wednesday.
Fish n Chips and yorkshire pudding I might give a miss, but the Beatles, Stones and Green Goblin ale? I'm SO there. And (almost) right in my neighbourhood!

More work for Junk magazine has come in - Peaches @ Zirca! yay.
Before there was Lady Gaga, there was Peaches. Bleeding on stage is not as new as one may believe.

I'm hoping they want me to review Tears for Fears but I shall go either way.
It's pretty soon.
Everything's happening so soon, it's a very very
Mad World.

Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday, happy birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen

Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher, tell me, what's my lesson?
Look right through me, look right through me

And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had

I find it hard to tell you
Because I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad world

Tears for Fears:
From 1981... (SO EIGHTIES! Love it)

Till 2010 (they are now distinguished gentlemen. but still cool as hell.)

Oh so tired

2010-04-10T00:03:00.003+08:00

I didn't know doing restaurant reviews could be so tiring.
I know it's a wonderful job perk but 4 reviews in 3 days is a bit much.
Stop giving me free food and wine, please! I'm actually serious.

Today I went to Timbre for a review, which is funny because I could write a whole essay about Timbre without bothering to go there, but a communication breakdown that had nothing to do with me led to it being postponed.

How they thought I was there to interview a chef remains a mystery to me. Why an appointment was set up during a huge private function is also beyond me. Let's just say it wouldn't have happened if I'd been the one setting these things up. But I was glad it was postponed - I was thinking, if I'm served another cocktail, glass of wine or pint of beer, I'm leaving. I really am. They offered me a glass of water or a soft drink. I <3 Timbre.

So today I sadly came home with 4 reviews to write, events to compile and organisers to chase for images and promos, silently resenting my work for keeping me home on a Friday night. And then my editor emails me and says, it can all wait till Monday, it's Friday night! Go out, enjoy yourself. In no time at all I was out the door and on my way to Friday night festivities.

Yesterday I reviewed Toucan Irish Pub, really nice place. Had some misadventures at Duxton Hill. But all is good now, I guess some sort of mayhem is sometimes a good way to break the ice.

And then today it was to Em by the River at Gallery Hotel, haven't been there in a long time. Love the atmosphere. I've been attending these reviews with colleagues but as none were available and it's fun to use work perks to take people out for free, I brought my cousin. Wasn't aware that she was babysitting and we had a child with us. A one-year-old, really. It was okay for the most part - other times I wanted to find a hole to hide in. Like when he put his hand up the Marketing Executive's skirt.

When I first arrived I was looking out for the marketing exec. and I saw a girl at the bar but assumed it wasn't her because she saw me obviously looking for someone and didn't approach me. Turn out it was her. I suppose I'm used to people expecting someone a bit more corporate in situations like these. I get my kicks either way.

I just wonder why I'm never informed of important things. If I'm supposed to meet someone, and that person can't make it and another colleague comes instead, shouldn't I be told about this beforehand? Yesterday at the pub.

If the place I'm sent to review requires a proposal, that would be useful information to have as well. Proposed review at 7atenine.

If there's a new addition to my food tasting group, it would be nice to know in advance as well. Just today.

Mobile phones are yours and they want nothing more than to be used, dammit.

bosses, labels? We're bigger than that.

2010-04-08T08:09:00.001+08:00

So yesterday was my first restaurant review.
It was a 5-course meal (4 for me because the 4th was fish/steak) and they were more than happy to prepare vego variations for me, except for said 4th course.

I also discovered truffle, I think it was a first for me. I'm still not sure what it is. I only know that they come from the ground and you need a special pig to dig it up.

Reviews are fun, I got lots of expensive food for free and some Italian sparkling wine and a glass of house red. I requested the red wine because, I mean, how can you possibly review Italian food without wine? That's blasphemy, that is.

Two more today, two hours apart and I have no idea how I'll do it. One yesterday was bad enough. It's not an easy life, y'know, being forced to be wined and fine-dined all the time.

On a more serious note, I received my cheque for the 12 days of March that I was working. It's not as much as it should be. Well my total pay is nowhere near what it should be, but this is even less, and I haven't a clue how to fix this. I've never asked for a raise before, or questioned whether I was paid the right amount. Yikes.

On a completely separate note, I love Amanda Palmer. If there was anyone in the world I could be, it would be her. I know I've said this before but this time I really mean it. AFP, I want (to be) you.

After breaking free from her record label, her new song is available for free download (just enter $0 when they ask for your price, unless you are inclined to donate some, which will go to her) here:

The Truth... | Amanda Palmer

Amanda celebrating freedom from the label, after years of legal battle:

Today = ?

2010-04-06T23:47:00.003+08:00

I'm not quite sure what to make of today.

For the first time in years, I found myself at Potong Pasir MRT. There's a reason I've made sure I haven't been there in so long. Case of the ex. I was afraid; I really was. I was trying not to cry, I was trying hard to walk - but I was mainly trying to overcome the demons of my past. I was thinking, bring it on. I was feeling, please, anywhere but here. I made it. It wasn't so bad, nothing I couldn't handle. I'm strong like that.

It's been six years, and I'm not 16 anymore.

Then I went to the city - not that it's very far - but I had 2 things to do there, a cheque to pick up and a camera to drop off, which my cousin left at my place on Sunday, and his office is right across the street from where I'd be.

I ended up getting so caught up with work while at StarBucks@Plaza on my laptop (netbook, whatever) that I forgot to eat or make any plans I was supposed to make until almost 4.00pm. I was reminded of one's need for food when my stomach reminded me with an angry, vicious growl, that it needed attention. I went for some pasta (have lunch by yourself, it's fun) then arranged to pick up my cheque (shut up, blogger, I spell it CHEQUE not CHECK) from City Hall and drop the camera off.

But alas, it was not to be. The camera could not be collected today, so I'd been lugging a huge DSLR + case around for nothing. But that's fine, there was money to be received. Until, of course, I went ALL THE WAY to the office, and just 2 minutes away, I received a call saying:
sorry, (director) left for a meeting and FORGOT to leave your cheque behind, maybe tomorrow?
Okay. OKAY. TOMORROW IS FINE.
I hope you weren't already on your way?
NO OF COURSE I WASN'T. IT'S FINE. DON'T WORRY.

FML.

And it's not as if I had nothing else to do. I had plenty to do, and it was all for said office people who failed to give my me cheque today. How ironic.

Mum, Noelle and I just went out for a drink (pear cider is good) at Mel's Place, it's lovely to have such a nice bar just 5 minutes away from home.

Tomorrow shall be a better day. Brighter days ahead.

After-Easter Effects

2010-04-05T14:00:00.001+08:00

Easter weekend was eventful. My favourite part is always the egg hunt we have for the kids. Weather was not so hot but the hunt was, as always, a resounding success.

Funny quote of the weekend:

My aunt (as she dropped something): Oh, Jesus!
Me: Is Risen!
Noelle: Hallelujah!

HAHAHA. Happy Easter, everyone.

Went for a forum on the Myanmar elections this morning, it was at the Institute of South East Asian Studies at NUS. It's sad, bizarre and interesting, how the military government is justified by some. Have we really reached such a state that we forsake freedom for alleged 'social stability'? The same goes for how some were afraid to take the flyers Seelan handed out after the forum. It's a piece of paper - it's not taking part in a protest.

At Ministry of Food, Raffles City, getting lots of work done and enjoying the It's going to rain! Oh no it's not. Oh wait, it is! weather.

April: For Fools and Lovers

2010-04-02T22:04:00.003+08:00

It's April already - that's bizarre. It was just Christmas.

Two thing I've been thinking about. Well, two of many things.

1. How a series of small things add up to potentially life-changing outcomes.

If I'd stood anywhere else, if I'd asked anyone else, if I'd been delayed 30 seconds at any point of the day, I wouldn't know you. I wouldn't know anything about you - makes me wonder what I'd have spent all this time thinking about.

Everything else might have been the same - but what would I be thinking about?

2. People who stick in your mind, and will probably never know.

Every now and then I think about this guy I met when I was in New York, I may have mentioned him before. He was cute. I was eighteen. He was always with his friends across the street from where we were staying. In The Bowery - Joey Ramone's walked there before. But anyway.

I didn't think much of this guy, he didn't seem to have any purpose except roaming the streets with his friends. And one day we talked. And we talked and talked. He talked about books and the world, beauty and people, and he knew what he was talking about. I hid my guilt for not thinking much of him. And of course being a young naive thing, it was amazingly flattering to see that he was interested.

Then he asked how old I was. I said 19, I was lying. He jumped 3 feet back and said that I was just a baby. He invited me to a party. I was going to go, but his friends scared me. Before we parted, he told me: Watch out for yourself. It's a crazy world, baby girl. And I thought it was the prettiest thing I'd ever heard.

5 years later I still think about it. And he doesn't have a damn clue.

-

Last night we went to Prince of Wales - good times. But perhaps there are no more to be had since Alex has left. Seth's going back to the US and last night was Dorian Roach's last gig, possibly ever. Seth may have another with his other band before he goes.

Seth and I. He's still apologising for his drunken asshole-ness six months ago, the silly boy.

Too long since I've seen them =)

Work x 1billion

2010-03-31T14:03:00.000+08:00

So much work to do!
I do seem to enjoy biting off more than I can chew, don't I.

One article down, 8 to go. By Monday. Yay.

Massage. Now. Please.

I'm down with madness (and other allergies)

2010-03-29T00:15:00.002+08:00

I love Opshop, I really do.
Band from New Zealand - their music isn't what I'd usually listen to but dammit, it's good. Listen HERE. Plus I hung out with them during the festival, as well as tonight after their gig at East Coast, and now we're all BFF. Too bad I can't get my favourite track from them until August at least, when their new album comes out. According to them, even their wives can't get it. Don't these men understand the concept of groupies? Pfft.

I'd say they're so much better live, though. And that's always a good thing.

It's the end of Sunday and in this weekend alone, I have gathered many new friends, new music to listen to, respect and appreciation for bands I didn't previously know, No.3 for my list of things I know about New Zealand (1. Flight of the Conchords 2. All Blacks Haka Rugby thing and now, 3. Opshop), new contacts - international ones - and lots more.

It's been a good week. But oh, so tired.

Opshop in action.

Jason tries to kill me, but I know he loves me.

Last Night Rocked

2010-03-27T12:10:00.003+08:00

About to go and interview The Fray. I haven't interviewed a band in a while, forgot how exciting it is. I'm feeling all funny inside.

Rock, Roots, Rain, Ready!

2010-03-26T13:21:00.000+08:00

So Rock & Roots is a few hours away. I'm psyched.
Very psyched.

In fact, I'm so psyched that the words I am normally very well-acquainted with have escaped to roll around in the rain, leaving me to express my emotions in the form of an interpretive dance.

It's been awhile since I've attended a gig/festival as part of the media. I do love the perks of writing about music.

Easy/Lucky/Free

2010-03-24T23:00:00.001+08:00

I'm listening to Bright Eyes - can't believe I stayed away for so long - years, really.
Conor, you've remained on my wall all this time for a reason, and it isn't that I couldn't be bothered to take you down. You don't quite fit in with The Clash and Sex Pistols (on my wall and in my playlist), but you're a poet, a star, you really are.

Music stays with you, forming the soundtrack of your life. Listening to songs from difficult chapters of your life are sometimes unbearable until you're a good few chapters away, when you can revisit the chapters not as a character but as a reader.

Like the sky on summer days, before you turn and walk away, it has changed you.

Had dinner with the wifey <3
Friends who know when to talk, when to advise and when to just listen,
those are the best ones. =)

---

Sometimes I worry that I've lost the plot.
My twitchin' muscles tease my flippant thoughts.
Listening for patterns in the sound of an endless static sea.

I've got some friends I barely see,
but we're all planning to meet,
we'll lay in bags as dead as leaves,
all together for eternity.

But don't you weep,
don't you weep for them.
There is nothing as lucky,
as easy,
or free.

And All That Jazz

2010-03-23T21:04:00.003+08:00

Today I sent in my first article for The Expat Guide, it was an event listing that I compiled - concerts, musicals, performances. I was honestly a bit nervous as it wasn't exactly what I was meant to do, I just felt it would be a relevant contribution to the magazine. I also wasn't sure of the style I should use, how much wit/humour/slang could be thrown in and all that.

Just got an email from KL......... Apparently my write-up can make you wish you lived in Singapore and is spot on in terms of style and content. Hell yes. I am pleased. Pleased as punch. Fruit punch, to be specific.

brief excerpts
Chicago
Hailed by The Times (UK) as, “The most exciting musical of its generation,” Chicago is now showing exclusively at Esplanade Theatre. Enjoying increased fame and recognition since the Academy Award-winning film...Be prepared for a captivating, exhilarating, cutting-edge (and all that jazz...) experience.

---

No, I'm no one's wife
But, oh, I love my life
And All That Jazz!
That Jazz.

- Chicago, All That Jazz

not all those who wander are lost

2010-03-22T00:05:00.001+08:00

Am absolutely exhausted.
Didn't get much sleep last night after Noelle's 2nd party which was wonderful and the day's been nonstop since.

So, I have a new job and all. There's a magazine, originally in KL, called The Expat Guide which will be launched here in May. I'm now the Editorial Assistant and will write for them too. I've spent the past 2 days at Suntec Convention Centre meeting expats, colleagues and clients, introducing the magazine and securing people to feature/quote/extend database.

It's all still freelance so I just have to go in to the office now and then, which is perfect. I'm excited. I really am. (Although I'm not sure how I'm going to do restaurant reviews, being vegan and all.)

Today I bet money that I did not have on football, and fortunately I won. Man United 2, Liverpool 1, Rett 70. Yay.

Make it Matter

2010-03-20T01:01:00.004+08:00

Just had a family thing for Noelle's birthday.
Some of the kids ate cake on my bed.
And then they traumatised my cat.
They thought it funny on both accounts.

Anyway.
--

She wanted to be recognised, to be considered, to be a factor.
She didn't want to have to leave home because it wasn't hers anymore.
Why did some have two homes while she had none?
It really wasn't fair.
They always told her, nothing is fair, life isn't fair.
That, she decided, wasn't true at all.
Some things were fair - many things. This just wasn't one of those things.

The Never-Ending Why of my Ashtray Heart

2010-03-18T14:10:00.001+08:00

Shila and I were going to do our usual penniless fan thing by having a picnic outside Fort Canning while listening to the band. We were going to do it tonight for Placebo.

But I have just received news that Shaun's DJ friend has gotten us 4 free tickets and now we can go! Yay! When good things keep happening to me it makes me nervous; what will eventually be expected from me in return? Karma and all that.

Cast your mind back to the days
When I pretend I was OK
I had so very much to say
About my crazy living
Now that I've stared into the void
So many people I've annoyed
I have to find a middle way
A better way of giving

No-one can take it away from me
And no-one can tear it apart
Because a heart that hurts
Is a heart that works

So I haven't given up
But all my choices, my good luck
Appear to go and get me stuck
In an open prison
Now I am trying to break free
In a state of empathy
Find the true and inner me
Eradicate this schism

No-one can take it away from me
And no-one can tear it apart
Because a heart that hurts
Is a heart that works

Bright Lights by Placebo

Brighter Days Ahead

2010-03-17T16:33:00.001+08:00

So as of today, I have a smashing new haircut and two new jobs that I can't wait to get started on. Oh, the possibilities are infinite!

As usual, Kelly had her own ideas about what to do with my hair, and what I ended up with is nothing like what I wanted. As usual, it's much better/cooler/stranger than what I wanted. Kelly is awesome.

I was stopped by a lady who was trying to get donations for Singapore Heart Foundation. I listened to her story for awhile. But then she tried to make me feel guilty about all the people who can't support their families on $900 a month and are dying and starving and all.
Omg, don't bring on the guilt please.
- Only $900 a month....
That's more than me.
- But you don't have children.
How do you know?
- Come on, I'm sure $40 a month is nothing to you. I'm sure you can.
Are you sure? Because I'm not sure. Are you really sure?
- $40 a month is nothing.
It's certainly not nothing to me. Sometimes I don't have enough money to take the bus.

She should know that she lost me when the guilt-tripping began. Give me facts and objectivity, I'll give you money if I can. Give me guilt and I'll mess with you for the hell of it. Simple as that. Pity, it seemed like a good cause. I got the website so I can donate independently, but not through her.

Now me and my new haircut are heading off to meet Sheelz, it's been so long!

And today I met Di for her lunch break. We looked at overpriced makeup.

Home, at last

2010-03-16T14:28:00.002+08:00

The bus ride was NOT 12 hours. It wasn't 14 hours either. It was almost 20 hours. It really was. Fortunately I had a single seat to myself and several stops along the way for dinner and toilet breaks.

A handsome Malaysian boy who I'd been chatting with tried to kiss me just before he disembarked in KL. Needless to say, this took me by surprise. Thank god for my Spiderman reflexes.

Catching up on sleep and proper food, more stories are on the way.
You know me, I never run out of stories/things to talk about.

And now my last.fm charts will soon be back in order.

Have to go and collect my Uni academic transcripts now. I just found out if I'd returned home a day later, they'd have thrown them away and I'd never get them. So not cool.

But it's good that I got home when I did. Within hours of getting home I got an update that 3 grenades had been fired in Bangkok. The Red Shirts are now collecting blood to throw on Government offices - 1000 liters is the target. More here.

And I thought they said it was going to be peaceful.

1 hour from now

2010-03-14T14:47:00.006+08:00

Booked my ticket, left my backpack at the travel centre and am currently having lunch at an English bar. Decided I could afford the extravagance as it's an hour till I leave and so much Baht in the wallet.

I also took a picture of the Chelsea banner for Dad.
It was sad to leave the others, especially because I was the only one leaving today. Some left yesterday, the rest leave tomorrow.

Min (Korea), Me (Singapore), Aizada (Kyrgyzstan)

Yesterday I was called farang by a man who laughed when I said 'thank you'. It means foreigner. It's true, but it made me sad.

Yesterday our group leader ("They make their bodies into cocktail position".) commented that I'm the quiet type who only speaks when spoken to. I didn't tell him it's just that I don't like him much.

Yesterday we headed out to this lake which was lovely and full of huts overlooking the river - reminded me of the place over the bridge in Phnom Penh. The secret place that only locals, and me, know of. I miss that place. I didn't get much time to myself because the others see solitude as something to be pitied, not cherished.

They ask why I like being alone, I ask, why don't you?

Coincidentally Tom Petty's Free Falling is playing right now.

I wanna glide down over Mulholland
I wanna write her name in the sky
I wanna free fall out into nothin'
Gonna leave this world for awhile

And I'm free, I'm free fallin'

Before my hut was invaded.

Boys who were most excited to see a farang.

The precious huts by the lake.

We have to travel like refugees.

And I can't believe it took me 4 days to realise the place we've been going to is a gay bar. One of many things that made me suddenly realise:

Me & Manda, from Indonesia

Take Me Home

2010-03-14T12:06:00.000+08:00

Leaving for Hat Yai very shortly.
I'm coming home.

16 hours in the bus, have to pick up my ticket at 4pm then will have a couple of hours to explore. I must say I'm very pleased to have survived 3 weeks in Thailand on less than $300. Yay.

Perhaps I'll do some shopping in Hat Yai.

Country roads, take me home,
To the place, I belong.
Through Malaysia, then to Katong,
Take me home, country roads.

Day 21 - Last Day

2010-03-13T10:24:00.002+08:00

I'm leaving tomorrow but some are leaving today as they have to head back to Bangkok and the journey takes 16 hours. I'm sad it's over but really looking forward to going home as well. Travel in a group or just not travel? I can't decide.

Last night I was called a baby. I didn't do anything to deserve this, just that they came up with the idea that I couldn't be left alone. The boys came along and the baby was "handed over".

I am younger, but am I inexperienced?
I am less qualified, but am I less intelligent?
I live in safe Singapore, but am I not well-travelled?

Last night was the cultural night, it was wonderful. I loved seeing the dances and presentations, especially Afghanistan, Kyrgyzstan, Indonesia and Nepal. I didn't have a song or dance but shared about our multicultural society and showed some pictures of my different groups of friends. It's really something: in my various groups of friends, we've got Chinese, Malay, Indian, Others, and then there's Catholic, Christian, Muslim, Baha'i, Buddhist, non-religious, atheist. Maybe I need a Hindu friend.

And then I showed a video I found on youtube which was a good representation for the most part. I pointed out parts that were unrealistic. I think they liked it.

Nepal

Kyrgyzstan

Indonesia

Afghanistan

Nasier and Me.

Radha, my Nepalese vego friend =)

Day 20 - The Haunting & The Boycott

2010-03-12T14:08:00.002+08:00

The Haunting
My hotel room is haunted. I swear to God it is.
The other day when I was reading on my bed, I saw something on the TV (which was off). A shadow moving around. And it wasn't a split second 'did I see something?' situation, it was me, fully conscious, looking at the black screen and wondering what the hell it was. There was nothing in the room that could have caused a reflection; I checked and all.

And then last night after returning from another secret party at the pub down the road, I was just settling into bed when there was a bizarre rapping on the door. I hopped out of bed to see which of the boys was being silly and annoying me at this hour. On my way to the door I realised the knocking was so absurdly fast that only a super-skilled drummer could have done it with his/her hands. I also realised that as silly as they can be, they wouldn't knock so loudly on my door, knowing that it's not just me in the room.

I courageously investigated outside. No one. *Outer Limits theme song* I swear, it's haunted. But I'm not scared like I would have been in my younger years. I'm all grown up now.

The Boycott
I have the most insane urge to cook Scrambled Tofu once I get home. For breakfast. And then some pasta for lunch. I have decided to stage a peaceful protest in the form of a boycott. I'm making a stand on double standards for the religious/cultural beliefs of others. It isn't fair that the religion of the majority is respected more than my beliefs.

So today is Day 2 of my boycott. Last night I had a whole plate of noodles for 25baht ($1). Today I had breakfast near the hotel (left)and instant noodles for lunch. Had a hard time finding something vegan but I managed to in the end. I brought it up with two of the organisers who defended everything saying it happens sometimes that someone cooking vegetables may suddenly find chicken in the pan. I'm sure, y'know. They did say sorry though. But there are points to be made and I shall make them.

It might seem like the gracious, peaceful thing to do, to be the bigger person and let it go and be silent and forgiving. But the way I see it, doing that only improves one thing - yourself. The issue is not addressed and the system/mindset remains the same. At the end of the day I want to look back and know that I made improvements to lives other than my own. Or at the very least, to know that I damn well tried.

Pictures, finally.

Fraternising with the enemy:
A colonel who heads South Thailand and a rare Thai female General.

Me & my new Thai friend, Tai.

More friends from Cambodia here.

Selling peanuts and stuff.

A very detailed sign.

Kids doing Dikir Barat.

I had a good seat during lecture before I got blocked.

Day 19 - so terribly hungry (but still vegan with a vengeance)

2010-03-11T15:04:00.008+08:00

Last night I didn't have dinner because I was busy sulking about the group's dismissal of my part. This morning I missed breakfast because I woke up late. I just don't like this whole be-downstairs-at-8am rule and everyone hops onto the bus and goes for breakfast. It annoys me how we're treated like kids sometimes, and it must be much worse for the Doctors and all.

Up until then it was no one's fault but mine. So, I was waiting for lunch and didn't care that all I had to eat was some sweet&sour pineapple/cucumber thing. I was about to start when I found an intruder on my plate. And then another. And then another. I inquired in the kitchen and was told, after some nervous looks and lots of discussion in Thai, that it was a type of large onion. This large onion looked mysteriously like chicken fat. But okay, benefit of the doubt and all, maybe Thai onions are different.

Further investigations revealed another impostor. And I was sure as hell it was chicken meat. I even checked with the others. I gave it back to kitchen (gave, not threw, although I wanted to) and they looked very sorry for themselves. One might assume that as they are people of a religion that also has important dietary restrictions, they would be sensitive to such things. One would be very wrong.

The last thing I ate was rice and carrots for an early lunch yesterday. And you might know how I feel about carrots.
Since then, I haven't eaten in 29 hours and counting.
There really isn't a way to get out of here at this point.

Presentation is finally over.
Ragini and I have plans to give the dinner provided a miss and head out somewhere nice instead. I quite literally cannot wait.

Oh you can all just kiss off into the air.

2010-03-10T20:05:00.001+08:00

Remember when you were a kid and the grownups were having their grownup discussion, and you bugged them to bring you to the playground.
Yes, dear, in a minute. But they really just wanted you to stop bothering them so they could go back to their grownup issues.

On a separate note, intentionally brushing shoulders with someone before sauntering off is childish, in my less-educated-than-you opinion. At least it made me laugh. I don't know why I still bother being nice.

A group of kids just came and performed some Dikir Barat - I love watching this.
The leader, from Malaysia, gave an introduction to the group, in Malay.
He said in Malaysia, this is called Dikir Barat. He said the group was honoured to be here and they graciously thank us for watching and supporting them. He spoke about Thailand, and Malaysia, and then they applauded us to thank us.

I would've told you.
Your loss.

Oh you can all just kiss off into the air,
Behind my back I can see them stare.
They hurt me bad, but I won't mind.
They hurt me bad, they do it all the time.

Day 18 - I will abduct you and force you into a cocktail position.

2010-03-10T16:04:00.004+08:00

I just have to share some of the gems in our group report.

Two of my favourites:

1. The Buddhists are mainly Buddhist temples.
2. The drug abductors make their bodies into a cocktail position.

It's not even a case of editing/rewriting to make things clear. I actually have no idea what some of these things mean. I asked, is a drug abductor some sort of kidnapper who steals helpless little pills from their mums and dads, and pray tell, what is a cocktail position?

He (group leader) explained to me, the way you explain something simple to a child,
that a drug abductor is someone who smuggles drugs. A drug trafficker? I suggested. Yes, but abductor is a better word, he pompously replied.

He also explained that cocktail position is when you become intoxicated and lose control/bearings (he didn't use those words, but that's what he meant). Like a drunken stupor? No, no, he said, cocktail position. He assured me that a quick check in the dictionary would prove this. I didn't check but am willing to bet my life, and yours, and your dog's, that no dictionary says anything of the sort. I was uncharacteristically lost for words. Someone pass me a white flag, please.

Fortunately the part I'm working on, which is about conflicts and issues, faced no opposition and I get to look through the whole report when it's been compiled. I have a secret pact with one of the guys in my group to fix the report and he'll get everyone to agree to it. He's good at things like that.

It was he who suggested our group leader for the role, I discovered last night, as an experiment - he likened it to giving shoplifters the responsibility of security in a shop. Knowing that the rest would vote with him, I was not a factor in this experiment because he knew I couldn't be influenced and the majority would make up for my vote anyway. What a cunning plan. Unfortunately I have to deal with the repercussions of this experiment. Although it's no secret that I get a big kick out of fixings things like this.

We've moved to a hotel and I'm so not used to air-conditioning and hot showers. It is amusing when one instinctively reaches for the hose after using the toilet, only to discover there's only toilet paper.

My appreciation of hot showers made me miss the bus this morning. Everyone left without me, knowing I wasn't there! The way I see it, they know I can find my way around myself. I'm capable like that. Although I wish the guys would stop doubting my ability to lift my backpack. Of course I can; don't touch my house. I make it look ten times lighter than it really is when they say that. I don't mean to, but I do.

Last night our adventures continued - found a nice bar/cafe just across the road from our hotel. The guys were talking about their kids and showing pictures. I was warned, the year you were born, I graduated. You're too young. Indeed.

4 more sleeps.

Day 16 - Of conversations and Calamity

2010-03-09T13:29:00.000+08:00

The group report is... really something. I'm not quite sure what to say.
At least some of us had a few laughs. It's about conflicts but there's one paragraph on conflict. And it just says, there are no conflicts.

Last night was another secret riverside party. We're just living in the dorms but at times it really does feel like we're uni students. Our numbers are growing, wayward friends slowly stream in as the party livens up. I think some of the boys aren't used to girls hanging out with them and doing 'boy things'. I assured them that my ability to open bottles with my teeth was merely a matter of physics, not strength, and pleaded with them not to insist on trying it if they didn't know how. They'd quite likely remove more than the bottle cap. Some are surprised by my solo travelling too. These are all unfamiliar, but appreciated, by them. I'm a novelty.

Today we're moving to a nearby hostel for the remaining time here. We're going to a night market.

I wrote a poem for our group's reflection. I tried to keep it simple. I read it aloud earlier but I didn't say it was mine. It's still untitled.

Let us lay down our arms,
Free our hands to plant the trees.
If you're going after honey,
Don't go killing all the bees.
Channel rage into peace,
Wash away the red for green.
Break the glass. Speak the truth.
Brothers and sisters instead of troops.
Erase the lines, our arms we extend;
This broken world is in our hands.

xoxo

Day 15 - Spontaneity Thrilled the Cat

2010-03-08T10:02:00.006+08:00

Had an interesting lecture yesterday about post-violent conflict recovery. I learnt that Lao has/had the highest amount of bombs per population. The lecturer was Dr Jacqui Chagnon from the US, and she was very interesting except that having a powerpoint presentation to introduce yourself is just slightly over the top.

Discussed our report about conflict in South Thailand with the group and it was very taxing trying to keep cool. Most of the others think very differently. For example, our group leader wants to write the entire draft of this 5-8 page report himself, while those of us who worked on individual sections work on those as well. That means every section will be written twice and after that we'll merge the two. Bizarre. I tried and tried to tell them it was wasting a lot of time, but to no avail. I missed Witty Wei-Shan because I knew she'd totally get me, as she always does in group meetings. And then we'd exchange -_- looks too.

I was catching a ride out to 7-11 to top up my sim card and asked if anyone wanted anything. One of the guys crept up to me and whispered, please, buy me some beer. And for you too. I tried like mad not to laugh. I promised I'd keep it a secret and soon returned smuggling some Chang and Heineken.

By the time I arrived with the goods, there were three of them waiting in anticipation. The beer had been sneakily hidden in my bag while I was holding all its prior contents. See, the Muslims don't want to be seen by the others. We sat by the side of the river behind our dorms and had a whole lot of fun. There was an attempt to destroy the evidence by throwing a bottle into the water but it only returned to us, too far to reach, too near to deny it was ours. Of course, we were eventually found out by a few people. But there was no problem in the end.

Having lecture now (managed to get wireless) and I had to introduce myself to the new lecturer and everyone else who already knows me. Name, country, success. Of course I had to be among the last to speak, so I had to talk about my success after a roomful of people with PhDs, children and high powered jobs talked about theirs.

I said this:
It's quite overwhelming for me because everyone here is so much more qualified. I don't have Masters, PhD, a fancy job, no children (everyone laughed. with me, not at me.). But, I continued, I'm proud of what I've done given my age, I'm proud of my independence, and there's plenty of time for the rest later on. What's important to me is writing and travelling and I'm privileged and proud to do both. And it's important to define success for ourselves. For me, there's a quote I try to live by, by one of my favourite writers Henry Thoreau, "Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me Truth." If through my writing I can find truth, or bring truth to just one person, that, to me, is success.

Oh and this other prof. just said how challenges are not a good thing and they make life hard and can be overcome by proper planning. pfft. Go on, old man, go on.

Our spontaneous action is always the best. You cannot, with your best deliberation and heed, come so close to any question as your spontaneous glance shall bring you.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Day 14 - Not-so-Free Day

2010-03-06T23:19:00.010+08:00

Today was supposed to be our free day.
The group was going to go to the beach and get some shopping done. Meeting time: 8am.
Now this in no way constitutes a free day. Waking up at 7am is not a free day.

I deliberated right up until this morning when I woke up at 830am. There really isn't anything to do here and it's hard to get around if you don't have a car/bike. I decided the beach sounded like a wonderful idea so rushed off to catch the bus which would leave at 9am, after breakfast. (Sleep>Food) We were told it was 1 hour to the beach. It wasn't.

Two hours later, we arrived at the beach. I was all set for some seaside lazing until it was announced that we'd have to meet back at the bus at 12pm. The time: 11am. We'd just travelled 2 hours for 1 hour at the beach. I'd assumed at least 3 hours there. It wasn't even that great - looked kinda like our East Coast beach at home.

Due to the conservative nature of the town (and our group) everyone swam fully clothed. Strange, yes? I settled into a deck chair at a cafe on the sand and there I stayed blissfully for an hour.

And I also made a new friend.

We then headed to get our sim cards authorised at a mall but they couldn't do it there. Which I thought was obvious because it was the exact same type of shop we'd tried the first time, and they'd said we had to go to the main office. So then we went to the main office. :face palm:
Time since departure: 5 hours
Time spent travelling: 3 hours

After leaving the Dtac (Thai network) office (phone's working, yay!) we headed to Hatyai, which is where most of the buses leave from; there's also a lot of shopping to be done there. Once again, an hour was all that we had there.

Instead of shopping, I decided to hunt for a good bus deal to get back home. Oh and also because I'd forgotten to top up my carryeverywhere wallet with money from my safekeeping wallet. I'd also cleverly decided yesterday that my debit card would be best kept safe, so ATMs were of no use whatsoever. Nice. 300baht (SG$12) goes a long way when it's all you have.

Amazingly, I can get a 12 hour bus from Hatyai to Singapore for 720 baht ($30). Or, 400 baht ($17) to KL and get a bus/train from there. I'm extremely excited at the thought of travelling from the north of Malaysia (which I've already explored briefly on foot!) all the way to the south, and then home. That will probably be on the 13th.

Yesterday I left my favourite toiletry case in a random toilet near the waterfall. So today my only purchase was a toothbrush and some shampoo. And a tshirt for 50baht which I didn't bother bargaining for because it's $2. And a drink at an Irish bar because I'm reading Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha.

A song that's been on repeat today, perfect description for me right now. It was dog, I changed it to cats.

I miss the playgrounds and the animals and digging up worms.
I miss the comfort of my mother and the weight of the world.
I miss my sister, miss my father, miss my cats and my home.
Yeah, I miss the boredom and the freedom and the time spent alone.

- MGMT

South Thailand - Adventures Abound

2010-03-05T21:53:00.002+08:00

The past 2 days have been spent on the southern-most parts of Thailand. A mere one kilometre from Malaysia, to be exact. The lot of us were split into three groups to explore different parts and communities. My group has been visiting villages in a district; its name I can't spell (and can't be arsed to check now 'cos I'm toooo tired.)

We're supposed to write a report about the demographics/statistics, occupations, issues and conflicts, causes of conflicts and recommendations for our assigned areas. This has been extremely difficult. There's a military presence here you wouldn't believe. Checkpoints every kilometre, soldiers following us around with their M16s, an army official present on every occasion we meet with locals from the village.

Following our van closely.

Due to this, we think, the locals and village heads are too intimated to say anything. So all we get is, it's fine, it's peaceful, there's nowhere better to live. Which means we have to deduce the conflicts and issues they have, which is a risky thing to do. There's also a language barrier. As it's so near to Malaysia here everyone speaks Malay, more so than in Pattani. Today I actually had to be a translator for our guide in a nature reserve. God knows if I was remotely accurate. Fortunately it was about plants and things, nothing about conflicts. The world will go on if I said something wrong about a flower.

Checked into a hotel last night and went on a random adventure for some karaoke. One of the local girl's brother came to pick her up and three of us hopped in, not sure where we were headed. But it was very safe and ended up being lots of fun. Except for the part where My Heart Will Go On was sung and I very nearly died. I compensated by singing Can't Buy Me Love after.

Min (South Korea) and I at Karaoke.

Today a few of us crossed the Thai-Malaysia border.

(With a Singapore football shirt and all! Technically, I'm on the wrong side of the picture.)

In a rickety old sampan which was filled with water. With my laptop, ipod and phone with me, it was the longest (and most carefully balanced) 10 metres of my life. We had to climb through a fence once we reached Malaysia and the group was amused because I announced that it just kept getting better. It really did.

We were stopped by some Malaysian soldiers, but ended up sitting on their hammocks and sharing their Coke and fruit.

Manda (from Indonesia) and I were the only ones with passports so we ventured to the proper entrance and made it through, slightly afraid as both our countries are not so BFF with Malaysia at the moment. Our passports didn't even get stamped, just our names and passport numbers were recorded. We just wandered around Kota Bahru for awhile, amidst stares from passers-by who must've been wondering where we came from and where we were going. We didn't really know either.

Realised that as I was in/very near to M'sia, I could use my Singtel line and it worked! Oh Malaysia, I briefly loved you and your My Maxis. Called mum straight away and texted dad and Nowell to assure them all of my safety. =)

Later we all went to a waterfall and of course I lept right in, it was disgustingly hot. Came back to Pattani, 4 hours in the van, and surprised myself by bothering to do my laundry. Although I must say the way I wash clothes would make any mother cringe. As long as it smells good it's okay. When on the road, however, as long as it doesn't smell, it's okay.

Today at one of the villages I was chatting with the locals in Malay (Cikgu Rathia is doing a joget in heaven.) and I noticed that they kept chasing stray dogs away - by throwing stones at them. This upset me to no end. The 3rd time it happened, and I know this was a foolish thing to do, I said to the stone-throwing army commander, STOP doing that. He just looked. I suppose he didn't understand me but someone might have explained later.

Others kept doing it so I went to play with the dogs. They were filthy and diseased but a million dollars couldn't have made me care at this point. How animals react to humans is a very accurate indication of how they're treated. I reached out to pat the dog and he whimpered, cowering in fear. My heart just about broke. After some coaxing we became best friends and he followed me everywhere; soon the other dogs came along too. The stoners looked in amazement, and asked why I was playing with them. They're my friends, I said (in Malay), and they smiled. I hope that helps the doggies in some way.

Tomorrow's a free day, can't wait. We might head to the beach which is about an hour away. And also get my phone up and running, finally.

I've lost track of the days which hasn't happened in a while. I thought today was Wednesday. Oh and the other day when I was bored, I revised a quote I posted earlier. Here's my version:

The peace I seek I cannot find,
The road, the sky, the stars, the sea;
They constantly seduce my mind,
This wanderlust won't let me be!

Day somethingorother - Pattani

2010-03-03T21:43:00.002+08:00

Am in Pattani now. Bus ride was okay, hardly got any sleep for the whole 16 hours so am just slightly exhausted at the moment. They switched off the lights and the individual ones weren't working so I couldn't read or write.

There's no wireless here, and phones don't work - the sim cards have to be authorised first which we were told required a couple of hours. Turns out we have to personally go down to this place with our passports. My SingTel line won't work at all. By the time we found this out the place had closed, and tomorrow will be spent on the road again, so I'll be out of touch with the world tomorrow as well.

Had a iwantmymommy moment before dinner thinking my parents must be worrying about me because I said I'd be reachable earlier in the day. But I wasn't, and only found this internet place now. Felt extremely lost with no internet and phone, and no indication of either in the near future. I cried and all, because I just wanted to call home to tell them I hadn't been blown to pieces in a bomb blast, but there was no way I could and I didn't feel like I could talk to anyone about it. They'd just laugh at this silly young girl. =(

It's really an experience here. The moment we entered Pattani grounds, two soldiers boarded the bus and searched it. They were armed with M16s. Scary stuff. We passed numerous other checkpoints, all with armed military men, on the way to the University where we're staying.

Checked into our rooms, they're simple and basic and just the kind I like. After a brief welcome address (that didn't seem so brief in my sleep-deprived state) we were brought to a 'shopping mall' that was really a grocery store with some restaurants. I planned to pick up some things but gave up after 10 minutes in a stagnant queue.

After dinner Koko (guy from Burma) and I snuck off on a secret venture with 2 of the local students who are also attending our course (the organisers know them, they're safe) and we went to a festival. Language barriers = still no idea what the festival was about but it was much fun. Parades and fireworks and some strange dancing.

I went to check out some snacks on sale only to realise they were an assortment of fried insects. I didn't like that.

We walked past some punks and Koko pointed and said, just like you. That I liked.

He kept calling me Ms Singapore and I'd call him Mr Burma. I could tell he liked, maybe because I didn't say Myanmar, which everyone else in the course says.

There was a snake show where the guy poured water onto a rattlesnake to provoke it. I really didn't like that.

One of the local students whose bike I was on kept teasing me. From trying to force me towards the fried bugs to saying, look at that beautiful girl; I looked where he was pointing only to see a mirror. Harmless flirting I like.

I was sent right to my doorstep and all, and rushed over to this internet place I'd just heard of.

Tomorrow am heading on a field trip and will be spending the night there. Back again on Friday.

Besides the pre-dinner blues, worrying about the folks worrying and armed soldiers parading around during a parade, today was good.

Day 10 - on the road

2010-03-02T12:08:00.002+08:00

Leaving for Pattani soon, it will be a 16 hour bus ride including stops for dinner and breakfast. It's supposedly a really nice sleeper bus and I'm actually looking forward to it, although I do wish it was a train instead. I love trains.

Am rather exasperated with myself for 1. forgetting my hoodie 2. forgetting to buy one from Bangkok City yesterday. I saw so many nice ones. These buses get really cold, and it'll be overnight. Woe is me.

Pattani is a beach area on the boarder of Malaysia, it's name is derived from Pantai Ini ('this beach' in Malay). Most people there speak Malay so my bilingual skills shall be put to the test. I'm also annoyed at forgetting my swimming stuff but I'm sure there will be some on sale there. I hope there's diving because we have a free day and I can't imagine a better way of spending it that getting reacquainted with my underwater friends.

Heading off to the bus terminal soon and will leave at 5pm. My Thai sim card won't work there (for 'security reasons', which worries me a bit) and I have to get a new one there. Farewell, internet, for many hours. Starting... now.

My journey (can you tell I'm in a rush?):
Bangkok to Pattani, Malaysia and Singapore down South!

Day 9 - explore. dream. discover.

2010-03-01T22:35:00.003+08:00

Day off today - my plan of exploring by myself was almost foiled.

Just as I was traipsing off from where we were dropped off at the Grand Palace with a jubilant cry of havefuneveryonebyeeee I was summoned back to the group as they had just received devastating news - the Grand Palace was closed for the day. A tuk-tuk driver, the same one who had given them this news, was recommending other places they could go to instead, offering them too-cheap-to-be-true prices. This is a common scam. There's even a sign near the grand palace that says Don't trust wily strangers which I found extremely amusing.

The Palace was definitely not closed. Wasn't quite successful in convincing them, so after sharing my money-changing skills I walked with them to the front gate and bade them farewell, feeling rather like how a mother must feel on her child's first day of school. It's a bizarre (and I'll readily admit, fulfilling and gratifying) feeling to be the go-to person amidst those who are much older and more educated than I am.

Found my way to Khao San, Bangkok's backpacker ghetto, and felt right at home. Wandered around for an hour before settling down to brunch which was an awesome Thai tofu thing and the serving of rice came in the shape of a teddy bear. Best thing ever. Phone's acting up so no pictures for now. =(

Went to get my eyebrows done and paid less than half what I'd pay at home. Spent most of my time after that people-watching - every time I saw someone with a TUBING in Vang Vieng shirt, my heart wept and yearned. They wear it like a badge of honour, as they rightfully should; it's a rite of passage in South-East Asian backpacking. I think I shall wear mine tomorrow (I had two but my cat ate one).

Chatted with 2 girls (who I think were German) and borrowed their travel guide to see where Pattani is (mine only has Bangkok and North Thailand) and turns out it's really near Malaysia. Oh, overland opportunities!

I want to blog more about the situation I posted on facebook but it's too mentally exhausting to think about right now (my day started at 6am) so I'll leave it till tomorrow. But there have been developments along the lines of apologies and explanations.

Since life is short and the world is wide, the sooner you start exploring it, the better. –Simon Raven

Day 8 - It's been a week

2010-02-28T19:38:00.004+08:00

It's been a week since I got here, feels like forever since I've been at home with everyone, my records and my cats and my Home club. Tomorrow we have a free day and I'm absolutely psyched because for once I can spend the day by myself, exploring parts of Bangkok I've missed and doing my own thing. Don't get me wrong, it's plenty of fun being with all these people but travelling alone might just be my favourite thing in the world.

Today we had Dr. Chandra Muzaffar from Malaysia's JUST, talk to us about Hegemony (dominance/control exerted by one group over others) and Civil Society (society's role to work towards change, e.g. protests and demonstrations). It was by far the most relevant part of the course for me, so far, firstly because it deals with what we can do as citizens, as opposed to organisations, secondly because he's from Malaysia and understands the limitations some countries have when it comes to demonstrations and things like that.

We learnt about how Civil Society can lead to big things, such as hundreds of thousands of people encouraging their leaders to talk about the earth which resulted in The Earth Summit in 1992, Rio de Janeiro. And the effects of treaties such as the Kyoto Protocol in 1997 (Global Warming) being supported by groups of people all over the world. And how local, regional or global protests may not be successful in stopping/starting something (e.g. stopping a war) but are still successful in de-legitimising it. What a beautiful, fire-fueling thought.

I must say I'm very impressed by this man. He seems to have so much knowledge, and not the sort that is remembered and regurgitated, but the kind that is known, understood and made relevant.

The Doctor and I had a chat about Malaysia/Singapore politics and it was extremely refreshing. He was a friend of JBJ! I thought he was fascinating and he seemed slightly intrigued by me too. We talked about the restraints both our countries face. I told him about the online revolution and how we can talk about things many wouldn't have dared to before. He told me about how the PAP could either be worried about it, or just focused on staying in complete control. I told him, I think it's both. He then had to rush off for the airport, but not before confirming my name. Only after he left did I realise, I hadn't told him my name in the first place.

Whan at exciting concept:
Civil Society - Shaping International, Regional and Local Relations in the 21st Century.

Day 7 - Contradictions

2010-02-27T21:28:00.002+08:00

Had a talk today from a professor from the Centre for the Study of Society & Secularism about Peace in Islam. I learnt a whole lot and I'm glad because despite having so many Muslim friends, there's so much I don't know about the religion. I learnt, for example, that Jihad, while often translated and perceived as 'holy war', actually means to struggle and make an effort in the name of Allah (God), NOT fight in the name of God. It is then the misinterpretation that causes conflicts to arise.

He went on to explain how the gender discrimination against women is not at all in line with the Qur'an's teachings and things are often taken out of context which leads to the perception most of the world has of Islam today. There's a difference, he said, between Arabic and Islamic.

There were, however, things he said that really confused me and seemed contradictory. He said that he's against killing unless it's justified, failing to give examples except to say that there's a lot of controversy about the death penalty but sometimes it's justified. He later said that people who do things we don't approve of, or things that are wrong, are not for us to judge. It's our job to love and care for them despite their wrongdoings, and only God's job to judge.

He also made many references to Mahatma Gandhi, The Universal Declaration of Human Rights and various religions, which were all fascinating but disturbing at the same time.

If it is not for us to judge, surely lives are not ours to take?
If you want to talk about the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, look at Article 3 - everyone has the right to life. Islam? It was just today that I learnt, from you, about compassion being an important part of the foundation of Islam. You mentioned Christianity too - Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone? I get the impression that Gandhi is someone you really look up to. So surely you know that Gandhi said, An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. With all this in mind, tell me, Sir, besides self-defence, what does justified killing mean?

Also had a talk from Nick (UK) about Israel and Palestine. Shame on me for not knowing more than what I did about this earlier - I didn't realise things were as bad as they are. It's totally unacceptable and goes against human rights in so many ways.

Briefly,in the late 1800s and early 1900s, the Jews wanted a national home in Palestine. 1918 Palestine was colonised by the British, who sponsored Jewish immigration from the UK and US. 1947, Brits gave up, UN assigns 55% of the land to the Jews and the rest for the Palestinians - that's 45% for 2/3 of the population. During '48-'49, Israel became independent, war broke out with surrounding countries, 13,000 Palestinians were killed and 75,000 driven from their homes. Houses are demolished, more than 80% of the land belongs to Israel and the Palestinians are refugees in their own country; it's increasingly difficult for them to travel from East Jerusalem to West Bank due to hundreds of checkpoints.

It just seems appalling that nothing's being done. UN, ICJ, anyone?

Sometimes people ask, what does freeing Burma have to do with us, or the war in Gaza, or political unrest in Thailand. Nick put it well - basically that with increasing globalisation, we are more Global Citizens than anything else.

If we do not speak for those who cannot, or stand in solidarity with those who struggle, then who will? Not our governments, unless we make ourselves heard.

Day 6 - Survival Guide

2010-02-26T18:38:00.001+08:00

I've discovered the best way to wake yourself up when falling asleep at work/school, etc.

Step 1: Get a large cup of ice, preferably crushed.
Step 2: Add drink of choice.
Step 3: Begin to drink, as quickly as possible, using a straw if available.
Step 4: Stop once you feel it getting to your head.
Step 5: Give it a few seconds, repeat Step 3.
Step 6: Repeat Step 3-5 until no longer possible to continue.
Step 7: Enjoy the most intense and excruciating brain freeze ever.
Step 8: Return to meeting/lesson more awake than you thought possible.

* All steps must be completed in shortest amount of time possible. While timing varies according to the individual, 30-40 seconds is a good estimate.

Was having so much trouble staying awake today, so during a short break where some crushed ice/pineapple juice thingy was served, I decided to see how much I could freeze my brain. I completed all the above steps and had a massive brain freeze, and was wide awake for the rest of the lesson. Works better than coffee, I swear.

Today one of the guys was talking about how he was having problems with everyone's names and had decided to name us all himself. Told everyone our new names and mine was Rose. Why Rose?! I asked. He said, like Rose and Jack from Titanic. Right, I said, but why? And he said, because when I saw the movie, I thought she was beautiful.
It was wonderful because he said it so simply, in a very matter of fact way. The less than perfect English made it that much more endearing.
Fortunately it isn't obvious when I blush.

I can live for two months on a good compliment.
- Mark Twain

Day #5 - Wanderlust is taking over

2010-02-25T23:06:00.005+08:00

Today was quite wonderful, learnt so much that can be used in conflicts of all sorts.

It really intrigued me how the same steps that can be taken to resolve conflict in war-stricken countries with bombs going off all over the place can be used to tackle issues that take place in oh-so-peaceful Singapore.

Started off way too early - bus arrived at 6.45am and we headed to a local university where we attended lectures on violent and nonviolent conflict resolution. I was, of course, extremely excited when Civil Disobedience was raised as a method of addressing violence of any sort in any society. Peaceful rebels ftw. (I love Thoreau) .

Today might actually be my favourite day so far. Awesome lectures, I shared about death penalty and marital rape issues in Singapore and we discussed its contribution to violence on a local and global scale. It was exciting and engaging for me as the discussion kept coming back to these issues that I'd brought up.

The university we were at, Thammasat University, experienced a massacre in the 70s. Some students were thought to be communist and anti-Thai and this resulted in a devastating brutality and killing spree in '76 by the police and military forces. Bodies were hung on trees and mocked, disrespected and tortured while the dead and undead students were strewn around the football field. These acts were supported by local people who cheered and applauded the brutality.

It was something I had no knowledge of before this point and it affected me as much as the Killing Fields in Cambodia did. It made things even worse that some of the group took cheesy superkawaii shots by the field while I was standing there trying not to cry thinking about all that had taken place right there. Would you go to a tombstone, or a monument representing a mass grave, and take a Look-Where-I-Went-in-Bangkok picture there? Doubt so.

During the lectures at uni I wandered off (during break time) to find somewhere to top up my Thai simcard and chanced upon a wonderful street full of hawkers, stalls and people of all sorts. Can't describe how close I was to just ditching the whole thing and taking off but I brought myself back to what I came here for.

After the lectures we had free time and I must say I'm not so good with travelling in a big group. So many things I wanted to stop and see (e.g. cheap earrings) but couldn't. Oh how I miss being on the road by myself! Ragini (roomie) and I snuck away from the group and went to have some beer instead so it all ended well. Didn't have enough time to explore the place so I plan on going back on Monday, which is our first free day. The place is full of backpackers and my heart ached just looking at them.

One thing that has been bothering me is how when we're at the centre, everyone keeps stealing my vego food. It really isn't fair as everyone has a buffet of like five dishes while I have one, just for me and another girl, but it keeps being attacked by the others. After several instances of having to eat plain rice and two mushrooms, I brought it up to the organisers who addressed the rest and told them to keep to their own spread. But yesterday, I found this person (who I'd already clashed with during a group discussion because she kept interrupting me) sneaking into my secret vego corner and helping herself to MY mushrooms. Oh, you're vegetarian too? I asked. Yes, I am, she said, before scuttling off nervously.
Vegetarian my ass.

Beyond the east the sunrise; Beyond the west the sea
And East and West the Wander-Thirst that will not let me be;
It works in me like madness to bid me say goodbye,
For the seas call, and the stars call, and oh! The call of the sky!

-Gerald Gould

Reading, 'tis what maketh a man.

Sweet walls.

Nice table at random cafe.

Day #4 - The smoke in your face comes from my fire.

2010-02-24T21:08:00.007+08:00

Today has been a mentally exhausting day.
Started off by splitting up into groups, choosing a conflict occurring in the world and analysing it using the conflict analysis tools we learnt yesterday. These tools basically look into how different needs and fears lead to conflict, and what factors escalate them.

My group chose to focus on Afghanistan as we had 2 members from there and one from Pakistan. I still can't get over how different life is for them - today I heard how one of our coursemates from Afghanistan lost her mother and sister in a bomb blast years ago. Her father up and left to marry another woman, leaving her to raise her five brothers by herself. She was 12 or 13. They got by with jobs like carpet weaving and sewing and carpentry. She now has a job that pays well, though I can't imagine it pays well enough to support them all. I'm starting to question if I really know anything about life at all.

We made a chart to analyse the relations between the countries and parties involved, from the Afghan government to the Pakistani people, USA to UAE. And I learnt more about the entire situation in half an hour than I have in years of media coverage. Suddenly, these situations that were shocking and saddening but ultimately foreign and and far from me have names, people and stories attached. It makes a world of a difference.

our chart:

Later in the day we talked about gender and peace, been looking forward to this a lot (Gender studies in social psychology was my favourite.). Started off with an activity where we had to form a straight line and a statement would be read out, you move to the left/right/stay in the centre if you agree/disagree/undecided. About 5 men agreed with "Clothes for men have pockets. Clothes for women should not have pockets." Their argument was that women carry bags/purses and don't need pockets. right -_- when asked why I disagreed, I said that the statement did not say "does not need pockets" but "should not" and besides, who has the right to tell me what my clothes should or should not have, what I need or do not need? Zarah (who was conducting the lesson) was very pleased.

I was pleasantly surprised when every single person disagreed to, "Women should always do the housework." That joy was short-lived when someone said he disagrees that women should do all the housework, a man can help depending on how much time he has after work and how tired he is. I asked him about how that's different from how much time a woman has after work and how tired she is (whether her work is at home or not), there was no answer.

There's also a lady who said that boys are brave and strong and girls are cute and sweet. And that baby boys must wear blue and baby girls must wear pink. And it's not like she's uneducated, she's a university lecturer in political science.

The worst part was when another guy was asked if gender stereotypes such as men, strong, women, weak, men, independent, women, dependent are true. Of course, he said, women are dependent and they should be. According to him we should also be submissive while men are dominant. I thought he was kidding at first. He wasn't.

All this despite the fact that we had just discussed how gender bias affects women in terms of violence and discrimination. When asked our opinions on men, decisive, women, indecisive, and some of the guys agreed, I pointed out how during the agree/disagree activity it was always the men (I use the word 'men' in the most general sense) who remained in the middle and couldn't decide, a comment which was received with unsuccessful justification from the men and applause from a few other girls. Owned, boys, OWNED.

Later in the van, we were waiting for the driver and someone stupidly said, I wonder if any of the girls can drive? Concentrating very hard on a nearby tree, I refused to react. I can drive, parallel park and change a tyre better than you, you #%**&!@ $%&#*.

Of course, these don't represent the views of everyone there, some made really good points, both men and women. But for the others, I think it's terribly sad that people who have come together for a course on peace and conflict resolution have opinions like these. And it isn't as if the relation between gender bias/stereotypes and their effect on discrimination/violence against women wasn't made clear.

Later on Mr. Iheartsubmissivewomen, obviously unaware that I wasn't really in the mood to have anything to do with him, came to take a picture with me. I asked if I should lean on him since I'm dependent and might need him to support me, he laughed jovially like it was the best joke he'd ever heard in his life.

He is now the proud owner of a picture of me with my eff off face.

Day #3 is as over as it is whelming

2010-02-24T00:41:00.002+08:00

It's very comforting to return to my room at the end of each day, ready and waiting with all its internet wonders. It's a basic room but anything with air-conditioning and hot water is a luxury. I miss my hole-in-the-wall Same Same Guest House to no end!

Had some very interesting lessons today. We talked about conflict and power, and to demonstrate conflict we formed groups and had to categorise a list of things into needs and wants. (Later it was revealed to be an exercise to recognise conflicts that would undoubtedly arise. Clever.)Anyway, first thing that comes to my mind is Maslow's Hierarchy, but I didn't bring it up as there's sometimes a language barrier even when discussing simple things (English isn't a first language for many of them).

After questions like whether relationships are needs or wants come up, I simply can't hold back any longer and say ermmmm y'know, there's this theory................ and to my delight Dave from Burma (he's actually Australian) says, Maslow's! I think he'd been trying to argue relationships as a need while, like me, avoiding psychological theories.

I was tasked with presenting our conclusion (we managed to agree on the basic needs from the given list - 1.air 2. water 3. food 4. shelter) and I briefly went into our need for love, belonging and self-actualisation. Fortunately Ekraj (our Thai course organiser who looks just like Sylar from Heroes) introduced Mr. Maslow and his theory later on.

Someone innocently asked where "making love" (Flight of the Conchords - It's Business Time!) is placed in the hierarchy and I said that it would come under Love/Belonging in the form of intimacy. But also, in the hierarchy, sex comes under the first level of basic needs. I'm sure Maslow's much smarter than I am but I fail to see how someone deprived of food, water and air, might say, "Oh dear, I'm starving, I'm dehydrated and dying of thirst and I'm suffocating. Also, I really need to get laid."

I'm also sure Maslow's a man.

Headed out to Bangkok City in the evening, packed liked sardines in the back of a pick-up. I think I should have told everyone that I've never travelled anywhere in my life and am terrible with directions, and with bargaining at markets. Unfortunately I spent all my shopping time giving tours of a place I've never been to, giving fashion advice (yes that one's good. That one? Yeah kinda looks like someone's great-grandmother's curtains, but maybe that's just me. No, I wouldn't wear a shirt that looks like it has a severely distressed but cuddly cat emerging from its pocket. I'm sure, I really wouldn't.) and lending my bargaining skills here and there. I tried to get out of it, I really did.

I was so upset I indulged in a 30-second (all the time I had) reckless shopping spree where I bought a tank top with cobwebs (not real ones) on it for 90baht (SG$4). I later bought 3 very cool things which must be unmentioned as one is a secret present.

The journey was terrible and it seemed quite ridiculous to travel so far (about 2 hours due to some complications) to shop for 1.5 hours, and literally less than 5 minutes of that was spent on myself. Ah well. There's always next time.

Zomg it's almost 3 and I have to be up at 7. Pictures shall be added later today.

Day #2 - upRising

2010-02-22T23:19:00.005+08:00

Had so much to blog about but I'm so tired.

Some really good conversations today. About pointless religious conflicts, democracy or the lack thereof, extremists, fundamentalists and lots more.

We had an activity about identities, where you had to form groups according to things you identify with. Started off easy with who is single/married (which a coursemate rephrased as "happy/unhappy" hehe), which region you're from (I was with Cambodia, Indonesia, Burma) and progressed to heavier topics such as, whose country is experiencing armed or violent conflict right now? I was very much saddened that I was one of 7 who did not identify with that. There are now about 30 of us.

A girl from Nepal told me about how she got married last week - it was an arranged marriage by her parents where after approving a picture, she met this stranger twice. 10 days later they were married ("he seems like a good man"). The next day she left for this course. I asked her, in nicer words, whoa, wtf? And she said it's best for girls to get married before 25, but she's already 28. I was asked if I could choose who I wanted to marry. Besides the obvious, I thought it sad that whether or not I want to get married in the first place was not an issue.

I try, you know, I try not to judge and mentally smack the heads of other people's cultures but seriously. sigh.

We had to introduce ourselves with our name/nickname and an adjective. As I was 2nd to go, I said the first thing that came to my head -- restless. Travel, trying to change things, always doing 5000 things at once, etc. So I was introduced by the organisers as Restless Rett (and occasionally reckless, I added).

So now restless reckless rett has to retire to recuperate with (hopefully) non Rapid Eye Movement sleep before rising with a reactivated mind, really ready for reality.

Bangkok!

2010-02-21T20:11:00.001+08:00

So I'm in Bangkok.
Arrived today at 2.20pm, queued for Immigration for an HOUR and for the first time in my adventures had someone waiting for me at the airport with a sign.

Was brought to the Asian Relief Foundation centre for the Peace & Conflict Transformation course. The goal is 'to create a new generation of peace workers, peace negotiators and peace defenders'. That line alone excites the hell outta me. I met people from all over the world - India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, China, Russia, Nepal, Indonesia, Cambodia, Thailand, Afghanistan and more. It's wonderful to meet so many like-minded individuals from all over the world.

I had a chat with a guy from Cambodia where I threw in a few Khmer words (thank you. how are you/I'm fine, and I'm sorry are a few that i remember) and then spoke to a guy from China whose name is Xiao Xiao. Small? I said, but he laughed and said no, Smile! He then asked (in Mandarin) if I wanted to eat (I said no, thanks) and how I was (very well, thanks, i replied). He was quite thrilled.

He asked if I was on facebook (in English)and shortly after his face fell at the recollection that he can't access it anymore. I was saddened to hear that not only can people in China not access Google, AND youtube, now it's facebook as well.

There's no place for everyone at the centre so some of us got shipped off to an apartment which I'm very pleased about as there's free WiFi. Yay!

Tomorrow awaits.

The Terrifying Misadventures of the Consumer

2010-02-14T22:57:00.001+08:00

Today I had a near-death experience.

I was, as usual, stationed at starbucks feeling rather pleased with myself for getting my entire article done in one sitting; it doesn't happen very often. This might actually be a first.

My laptop (netbook, technically) gave all it could for four hours before informing me that it was about to breathe its last breath. Just in time, I thought, and I mentally signed off and emailed away.

I was so pleased, in fact, that I decided to indulge in a blackcurrant frappe. Deliberating between reading and working on a story idea I've been toying with, I remembered I'd intentionally left the book I'm reading at home to ensure that all my attention would go to the article. Mild panic starts to creep in.

I was about to tweet about this (omg just got a brand new drink, just realised no book,laptop's dead. *dies*) when I discovered my phone battery was dead. Completely dead. Right about now, all space around me seems to have disappeared and my heart is beating twice as fast as it should. A lone droplet of sweat makes its solitary way across my brow, personifying my steadily increasing level of unease.

Stay calm, I told myself, I wanted to work on said story anyway. But alas, I'd forgotten my pen. I may as well have forgotten my head.

I remained there, staring at my $7 drink, hating it and wishing all kinds of trials and tribulations upon it. How dare he (surely it was a he) sit there all pretty and purple when I had nothing to occupy myself with while enjoying it? The manipulative bastard.

It was a daunting task but I pulled through. It wasn't so bad after awhile. Being back in a supportive environment of a charged phone, internet access, hifi-set, pen & paper and my book has contributed to my recovery.

I suppose it was the many things I wanted/needed to do that I couldn't, rather than having nothing to do, that caused this state of great distress.

What can I do, Generation Y was brought up and conditioned to have the constant need to be doing at least 5 things at any one time.

Me:

Music: Ecstasy, Let Go, Snobbery

2010-02-13T10:50:00.004+08:00

Back to Home club, as has become the Friday night norm.
And what's not to love:
Joy Division, The Clash, Blur, Kaiser Chiefs, The Sunshine Underground, Bloc Party, Muse, it goes on.
It really is like MY playlist, and I love it.

Oh and they played Rock & Roll Queen by The Subways and I can remember exactly how it was. Tokyo, Summersonic, 9 August 2008 and the crowd goes mental when the band screams, Tokyo SO ROCK AND ROLL! Goosebumps just thinking about it - makes me realise with the exorbitant amount of money I've spent on gigs over the years, I wouldn't trade those experiences for anything in the world. Not one of them. Even accidentally seeing One Republic (they're worse live) while waiting for The Subways is now a funny story, repeatedly retold and remembered.

So back to last night:

Every time you think they can't spin a better song, they do.
But I requested Joy Division just in case.
Where else can you seriously dance like no one's watching/no tomorrow/etc. with a roomful of like-minded people? Only Home =)
It was completely exhausting after a couple of hours but we just couldn't stop!

Speaking of like-minded people, there were some who really didn't look like they should've been there - first a group of the older variety who looked rather out of place and office-y. It made Shila and I quite upset at the thought that we might be them someday - too stiff to party but still trying, that is. We consoled ourselves with thoughts of our own places = house parties. Besides, age has nothing to do with how you live life, or don't.

Then there was another strange lot who made me feel quite old. All 19 at most, they wore caps sideways and oversized (and obviously new) sneakers. I thought that was the 90s but perhaps I'm just out of touch with the current fashion. Anyway that was the boys, the girls had shiny tube dresses and heels and the sort of thing we Home folk are unaccustomed to seeing.

Sheelz had the brilliant idea of going up to them and regretfully telling them there would be no Lady Gaga played here tonight and that they best run along to Zirca. But we decided to just let them be. It was a good plan though.

Love Will Tear Us Apart comes on (at my request) and I think about how it's probably the only JD song most people know. And it's far from their best, it's just more accessible. That being said, every word in that song means the world to me (and you know it, Ian).

Or like Should I Stay or Should I Go, probably the only Clash song most know. Or maybe Rock the Casbah. Possibly London Calling.

But then the epic opening riffs of Bloc Party's Helicopter come on and the crowd goes wild. There's something surreal about a bunch of kids who don't belong at the glamorous megaclubs just down the road moshing their pants of to the words of, are you hoping for a miracle?

Why can't you be more European
Bastard child of guilt and shame
Bury your head in the sand

Are you hoping for a miracle?

Just Like That

2010-02-09T01:11:00.001+08:00

So I spent the day at the Esplanade writing and researching, before getting a night-changing email at 6pm. Basically, if all went according to plan, Echo & The Bunnymen was within my reach! Coincidentally, they'd be playing at the Esplanade in 2 hours.

After much deliberation and an attempt at financial planning (think along the lines of primary school maths sums) I decided I MUST go. Surely it was a sign and divine intervention of sorts that I received this news before the show, and not, as I anticipated, after or during. So I went to buy a ticket and decided to get the cheapest one for $68. It's 3 floors up, but right in the centre and a pretty good view. But still too far away.

And then things got even better. When sadly making my way to Circle 3 watching others embark to lower levels, wondering if I should've gotten a better seat, I was informed that as the tickets didn't sell out, I was being reseated to the first level. Also because I was alone and could be easily slotted anywhere, as compared to groups of people who wanted to stick together. Score! (with all gratitude to the post-punk deprived masses). Saved $20 bucks plus had the joy of sitting amidst others who paid more than me but got the same spot.

Echo & the Bunnymen were awesome, first thing I loved was the Manchester accent. I could listen to Ian McCulloch speak all day. Didn't have a clue what he was on about at some points, but it was lovely to hear anyway.

The crowd was made up mainly of expats, and it was just like when I saw David Byrne. Just me amidst all these much older, rich people. Everyone was seated which was really annoying me, but I was quite happy to dance by myself. Eventually everyone got up and Ian said, in his awesome accent, "that's better!" It really was.

They played a pretty ace setlist - Rescue, Bedbugs and Ballyhoo, Lips Like Sugar and Think I Need It Too (new album) were my favourites. Ian's voice is one of the best things I've ever heard; surely comes from lips like sugar, sugar kisses. The band was insane too. I'm so glad I went. =)

Must have forgotten something
How to forget how to be true
Covered myself in numb things
Don't touch me, and I won't touch you
Try to remember something
Why am I here and who are you?
You must have meant something
Animals came in two by two

Whatever you want
Whatever you need
I think I need it too

<3 <3 <3

If I wrote everytime I had to, I'd have gone through a lot more notebooks by now.

The tears she could conceal. But she hoped - and she hoped as silently as she could - that he wouldn't hear the echoed shatter of her heart. She needed to hide the truth. She needed him to think it was perfect.

Echo For Me

2010-02-07T22:49:00.000+08:00

Today was my first free day in quite a while - no article to be hurriedly written and rushed out, no research to be quickly compiled. It was a much needed break. I was planning to get tomorrow's work started today to set a route of general calmness, but didn't quite happen. I was also planning to sort out the mess that is my room and put up my new posters (requires a lot of shifting and climbing and searching for suitable adhesives) but that didn't happen either.

I'm enjoying Bowie in my satin sheets too much.

I have decided to give Echo & The Bunnymen a miss (due to lack of funds) and it sadly makes me feel all grown up. Who'd have though I could be foresightful enough to not spend money that's hypothetically mine but not in the bank yet?

That being said, if it was a band on my must-watch list, I'd sell everything. Myself even. And that wouldn't even be my last resort.

The year so far has been a year full of gigs - YYYs, Green Day, Muse(and Rise Against), and who knows what next. The irony is, I could get paid for any, or even several, of the projects I've been working on anytime. Knowing life and the way it goes, I bet 1 hour after the concert starts, 9pm tomorrow, I get a call saying I've just been paid for project so & so. I just know it.

What's even worse is, I joined TWO contests to try and get free tickets. One was a general lucky draw type thing which I wasn't at all hopeful about, the other was to submit your favourite E&Bunnymen song, and why, and tell it well! Done, I thought to myself.

Below I have posted what I submitted. I strongly believe that the tickets were kept for the organisers, or given to friends.

My favourite song by Echo & the Bunnymen is All My Life from their self-titled album.
Several reasons:

1. It's the perfect song when you're happy, it's the perfect song when you're sad - both in terms of the music and the lyrics. That level of versatility is something I appreciate and believe to be rare, so this one stands out as something really special to me. It's also an epic ending to the album.

2. The verse that goes:

Cannon fire burning
on the hillside
You and I are side by side
Listen
Tin soldiers playing our tune

Makes me think about war, makes me think about love - the flowers by the hillside are purple.
Terrifyingly beautiful in such simple words.
Personally, it makes me want to create something as pure and simple as this.
I'm a writer and this verse alone makes me want to be a better, more giving writer. It makes me want to write so people know exactly what colour the flowers are, without me even mentioning the flowers.

3. I like finding connections between me and the music I listen to (e.g. The Clash's London Calling was released in Dec. 14 1979 in the UK, I was born on the very same day 8 years later)

This album was released in 1987, the year I was born. I like to hear the songs and imagine how as they were being written, recorded, produced, I was, at the very same time, also being created and prepared for the world. Romanticising? Definitely. But still entirely true.

xoxo
With bated breath and crossed fingers,
Rett

And they said I won the 2nd prize of... a cd. Awesome, while you enjoy your unearned tickets tomorrow, I shall stay home and listen to CDs.

So much for that

2010-02-06T01:38:00.000+08:00

Yi Han is back!

Spent the morning (I actually woke up at 8am, 3-4 hours earlier than usual. It's the insomnia that keeps me up till 5 or 6am every night. Well, morning. But today I forced myself to arise from my slumber.) finishing up some work. It went rather smoothly, and then I was off to meet the boy.

I showed him around all the new developments in town like ION and 313, although I must admit I was quite a useless tour guide as my reply to every question was, "erm, dunno". It's true I'm a tourist in Orchard these days. I guess I'm only good at pointing out pretty things.

Hung out at Starschmucks, the weather was perfect coffee weather. Rain and all.
And thanks to him I know have that awful song by RuPaul stuck in my head.

Found a nice new place (well, new to me) at City Hall - Japanese coffee place which for some reason is called MOF. Asking for trouble if you ask me. Shila had arrived by then and we had conversations about our futures, politics, the old man who won't leave, lots of fascinating stuff.

Meant to get more work done tonight but it's almost 4am and I haven't done a thing.

Bellamy > Flowers

2010-02-04T00:28:00.006+08:00

Just got back from the Muse gig. If the Killers hadn't cancelled, I'd have missed this. So thanks, Brandon.

Rise Against was really good, plus I like them because they're all vegan. Vegan punks ftw =)

And then there was Muse. Matt Bellamy was insane on the piano - I can't help but fall deeply in love, respect and admiration for rock stars who play the piano. And he played it REALLY well.
Matt is excessively cool and talented.

The show started, as I knew it would from my extensive research, with Uprising, a phenomenal song from their latest album, The Resistance. It's a killer song and one hell of an opener. And of course I love every opportunity I get to shout Oi! Oi! Oi! with a massive crowd.

We ditched our faraway seats and stole a spot which was as close we could get without rappelling into the moshpit beneath us (couldn't find any rope). I was loving the irony of the Indoor Stadium crew repeatedly telling Shila and I to return to our seats - we had $98 tickets but eventually secured a better spot than the $128 ones - while Muse played Uprising (They will not force us, They will not control us!).

One sorrowful girl was later heard reporting to her manager or whatever, saying how she TRIED to tell us SO many times but we REFUSED to move. Yes, indeed. (If you ignore them they eventually go away.)

Light displays were zomg awesomeness, I felt like a child watching fireworks for the first time. Plus we had a perfect view after said seat-abandonment took place.

Supermassive Black Hole was a gem, Hysteria was right up there with it. Besides the obvious favourites, I LOVED Unnatural Selection:

I'm hungry for some unrest
Well let's push it beyond the peaceful protest
I wanna speak in a language
that you will understand

Counter balance this commotion
We're not droplets in the ocean.

I wish it had gone on for longer, and I wish they'd sung for absolution.
But other than that?

Electrifying, hair-raising and entirely epic.

Thank you, Muse, you have no idea. And just when I needed it most.

Beer at Brewerkz Before Bellamy.

I <3

Amazing, no?

Giant balloons with confetti!

Moodless Mayhem

2010-02-02T19:20:00.000+08:00

No mood to eat, to work, to get out of bed.
I tried listening to The Beatles instead of my stupid emo playlist - made a momentary difference.
Even my eyeliner-induced joy faded quite quickly.

And then everything's okay and the world is pretty again.
Until I stop and I turn and I go for a ride.
And then it isn't.

When I get to the bottom I go back to the top of the slide,
Where I stop and I turn and I go for a ride,
Until I get to the bottom and I see you again.
Do you, don't you want me to love you?
I'm coming down fast but I'm miles above you.

Tell me, tell me, tell me,
Come on, tell me the answer...
Well you may be a lover but you ain't no dancer.

About Time

2010-01-31T22:33:00.002+08:00

Finally got down to finding a mobile application to tweet for free with, since Singapore isn't on Twitter's list (and Indonesia is - the irony!). Found 2, one is taking a while to set up and authorise so I've found smsyo which works fine except that their website is advertised with every tweet. They've cleverly offered to remove the suffix from all tweets if I advertise for them on my blog, which I definately prefer. It's being sorted out now, I believe.

Only thing left is to figure out how to receive tweets from people I'm following without going online with my phone. Phase 2 of smsyo should provide although they mentioned a small fee.

This weekend's been the best and the worst all at once.
What do you do - what can you do?

I hope it gives you hell.

Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

2010-01-29T13:07:00.003+08:00

Late last night I read that JD Salinger passed away.
He was living in isolation and was 91 years old.

The world has lost a legend of a man who changed and defined lives in ways that perhaps, only now, he will know.

I wore my Attack of Literacy shirt today in tribute; he's one of the writers featured on the shirt.

No other character but Holden Caulfield has remained so fresh in my mind - consistently, constantly - regardless of whether the last time I read Catcher in the Rye was yesterday or 2 years ago. He's the only one who's become a part of me not just while reading the book but after, up until now, and I imagine for a long time to come.

Many writers influence how we write. Here is a man who influences me from within. He really does.

JD Salinger, you're a star. In everyone's eyes, and mine.

When I was all set to go, when I had my bags and all, I stood for a while next to the stairs and took a last look down that goddam corridor. I was sort of crying. I don't know why.

Here are just some of my favourite quotes:

It was that kind of a crazy afternoon, terrifically cold, and no sun out or anything, and you felt like you were disappearing every time you crossed a road.

I'm the most terrific liar you ever saw in your life. It's awful. If I'm on my way to the store to buy a magazine, even, and somebody asks me where I'm going, I'm liable to say I'm going to the opera. It's terrible.

What really knocks me out is a book, when you're all done reading it, you wished the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it.

When I really worry about something, I don't just fool around. I even have to go to the bathroom when I worry about something. Only, I don't go. I'm too worried to go. I don't want to interrupt my worrying to go.

Sensitive. That killed me. That guy Morrow was about as sensitive as a toilet seat.

I was half in love with her by the time we sat down. That's the thing about girls. Every time they do something pretty, even if they're not much to look at, or even if they're sort of stupid, you fall half in love with them, and then you never know where the hell you are. Girls. Jesus Christ. They can drive you crazy. They really can.

People always clap for the wrong things.

I'm always saying "Glad to've met you" to somebody I'm not at all glad I met. If you want to stay alive, you have to say that stuff, though.

It's no fun to be yellow. Maybe I'm not all yellow. I don't know. I think maybe I'm just partly yellow and partly the type that doesn't give much of a damn if they lose their gloves.

That's the whole trouble. You can't ever find a place that's nice and peaceful, because there isn't any. You may think there is, but once you get there, when you're not looking, somebody'll sneak up and write "F*** you" right under your nose.

You take somebody that cries their goddam eyes out over phoney stuff in the movies, and nine times out of ten they're mean bastards at heart.

I'm sort of an atheist. I like Jesus and all, but I don't care too much for most of the other stuff in the Bible. Take the Disciples, for instance. They annoyed the hell out of me, if you want to know the truth. They were all right after Jesus was dead and all, but while He was alive, they were about as much use to Him as a hole in the head. All they did was keep letting Him down. I like almost anybody in the Bible better than the Disciples. If you want to know the truth, the guy I like best in the Bible, next to Jesus, was that lunatic and all, that lived in the tombs and kept cutting himself with stones. I like him ten times as much as the Disciples, that poor bastard.

I felt like jumping out the window. I probably would've, too, if I'd been sure somebody'd cover me up as soon as I landed. I didn't want a bunch of stupid rubbernecks looking at me when I was all gory.

Goddam money. It always ends up making you blue as hell.

He was singing that song, "If a body catch a body coming through the rye." He had a pretty little voice too. He was just singing for the hell of it, you could tell. The cars zoomed by, the brakes screeched all over the place, his parents paid no attention to him, and he kept on walking next to the kerb and singing "If a body catch a body coming through the rye." It made me feel better. It made me feel not so depressed anymore.

"Promise me you'll let your hair grow. Crew cuts are getting corny. And your hair's so lovely."
Lovely my ass.

Take most people, they're crazy about cars. They worry if they get a little scratch on them, and they're always talking about how many miles they get to a gallon, and if they get a brand-new car already they start thinking about trading it in for one that's even newer. I don't even like old cars. I mean they don't even interest me. I'd rather have a goddam horse. A horse is at least human, for God's sake.

All these angels start coming out of the boxes and everywhere, guys carrying crucifixes and stuff all over the place, and the whole bunch of them - thousands of them - singing "Come All Ye Faithful" like mad. Big deal. It's supposed to be religious as hell, I know, and very pretty and all, but I can't see anything religious or pretty, for God's sake, about a bunch of actors carrying crucifixes all over the stage. When they all finished and started going out the boxes again, you could tell they could hardly wait to get a cigarette of something. I saw it with old Sally Hayes the year before, and she kept saying how beautiful it was, the costumes and all. I said old Jesus probably would've puked if He could see it.

Boy, when you're dead, they really fix you up. I hope to hell when I do die somebody has sense enough to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddam cemetery. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.

Anyway, I keep picturing all these little kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be.

Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody.

an odd(fellows) day

2010-01-28T19:28:00.005+08:00

So I spent the day at library @ esplanade again, my new fav. place. I'm now at a cafe in the library, with free wireless, a powerpoint thingy to charge my laptop, reasonably priced drinks and a rather lovely view of the city skyline as the sun sets and the lights come on. Me likes.

There was a exhibition going on in the library, about music in Singapore from the 60s till today. This was of great interest to me as it's exactly what I'm writing about. So I spent a couple of hours listening to some local music with their slightly impressive lot of CDs. First pick was The Oddfellows - was rather pleased with myself because after a few songs I thought, Buzzcocks. Violent Femmes! And both are high on their lists of influences on Myspace. If you're gonna give them a listen I'd go for Lost My Head or Foggy Daylight. I listened to the whole album from start to finish, and it was a pleasure. It really was.

I'm hoping I get to write about them later on for the project I'm working on; I'll suggest them to be included anyway. An interview would be awesome. Found a Quests double disc compilation, SO sixties, I love it!

Oops the cafe's closing.

Rise from your slumber!

2010-01-27T17:02:00.003+08:00

So I've been reading up a significant amount about our lovely little country and her history - independence, politics, riots, music, the whole lot. It's fascinating and I feel very small indeed about how little I know. Some of these things were taught in Social Studies in school but quickly forgotten after the exams were over.

Today I had the pleasure of referring to work I'd previously written for a new article. A good feeling for sure.

I'm currently writing an article about the National Anthem and how it was first played to the public when Yusof bin Ishak was inaugurated as the first Yang di-Pertuan Negara (Head of State) and I can just imagine - following a 17-gun salute, the first President emerges to the grandeur of Majulah Singapura to a 2,500-strong crowd, who was hearing the anthem for the first time, waiting at The Padang.

I've also been reading a book by JBJ titled The Hatchet Man of Singapore (guess who?) and it's very enlightening. It's also very saddening. But oh how much I've learnt - about politics in days past, how it applies and still carries on till today, the role of the Catholic Church in the '87 arrests, why I should cut Father Patrick a bit of slack for his rigid ways and lots more.

But more must be learnt before anything more is said.

Everyone should read this book, and JBJ's call for us all to "rise from [our] slumber" will surely manifest.

The Man:

Photo from Singapore: The Encyclopedia

Also I had a very annoying FB discussion with someone who says that Oscar, Edgar, Vincent, Henry and other legendary writers/artists could have prevented dying penniless if they had better marketing. Yes. Better marketing, Mr. Wilde, you got that? urgh.

And she knew it would be good.

2010-01-25T20:42:00.000+08:00

Met Krystle for dinner and hung out at the Esplanade for a while. There was a dreadful Abba cover band that I tried my best not to listen to. Not just because it was Abba - they were... not so hot.

We spent some time in the Library@Esplanade, I do love the place. It has a cosy feel most of the other libraries lack. And I'm glad I've paid my exorbitant library fees (almost $80) because it's awesome to be able to pick up books and movies for free. It feels, in some small way, that I'm getting my literary entitlement as a citizen now - though where my $80 has gone, who can say?

I was in the mood for some local movies - the NLB project I'm working on has made me realise how much of the local arts I've missed out on by not being born back in the day. So, to compensate being short-changed by means of birth in the wrong decade, I got the award-winning 12 Storeys (1997), which was also the first Singaporean film to be shown at Cannes. Saw it years ago but I'm sure I'll appreciate it more now.

I also got Alternative Voices which contains Mother by Royston Tan, Exodus by Sherman Ong and Katong Fugue by Boo Junfeng (adapted from Alfian Sa'at's Landmarks: Asian Boys Vol. 2).

It's not quite the same as rioting and rock & roll in the 60s, but it'll do. Can't wait to watch 'em.